Why can't I cry..
In the beginning of this journey that I am on, I didn't seem to have any trouble expressing myself. Especially crying, it seemed to really help my mood, they do say "Crying cleanses the soul".
But it seems that the farther I go in this journey, the harder it is to express myself. I try to hide my true feelings of hurt and pain, that I wish would subside at least some. My daughter seems to notice, but I just tell her, I will be fine. She says that I need a good hard cry. Which I truly believe would really help, just wish I knew why I just can't.
I miss my dear Paul so very much, I feel like we were robbed of our happiness and time together, that had just only begun, when it was taken away so quickly.
But it seems that the farther I go in this journey, the harder it is to express myself. I try to hide my true feelings of hurt and pain, that I wish would subside at least some. My daughter seems to notice, but I just tell her, I will be fine. She says that I need a good hard cry. Which I truly believe would really help, just wish I knew why I just can't.
I miss my dear Paul so very much, I feel like we were robbed of our happiness and time together, that had just only begun, when it was taken away so quickly.
Replies
I understand I wonder if we can\'t really \"let go\" as it is an admission that he is gone forever, or it makes it more final while we are still trying to make sense of it all. This is a really difficult time of year as well. I am just barely holding on. We are in this club together Karen.
Karen,
i think many of us can relate to this all to well. i have found in the last couple of months that i just can not have the big cries of the early days of this journey. it is something about coming to the realization that the tears do not change the outcome, so we bottle it inside. part is also that the world around us does not want to deal with it anymore, so there is an extreme isolation in our tears as well. you are correct, that the tears cleanse the soul, but it all just gets so exhausting.
please know that you are not alone, not as long as we are all here! if you are up to it today, journal a happy story about you and paul that you might like to share with all of us. i hope that might bring a smile to your heart and i would be honored to listen.
wishing you strength
judi
I\'m a guy, I\'ve been trying, not always successfully, to hide my feelings right from the beginning. Not on here of course. I know exactly what you\'re talking about. I don\'t know the answer, hell, I don\'t even understand the question. I hope you feel better. My stupid suggestion is to think back on a good time that you shared. It doesn\'t work for me though, after the smile comes the tears.
There should be a happy medium I go days where I feel really good then I go for days where I cry at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I cried when I left my dog at a new groomers. I hope you feel more at peace soon. Hugs!!!
Dear Karen, I can only say that for me, I find that crying is so physically and mentally exhausting that I just don\'t have the energy to do it as I did. I guess I just know what a toll it takes on my mind and body that I\'ve found it easier on me to just feel sad for the most part. I still cry, particularly when a trigger catches me off guard, but, it isn\'t as often as it was even just weeks ago. I don\'t think whether or not we cry is a measure of our love for our dear husbands, it is just that we must move on for the love of ourselves. I wish you the best especially over the holidays. Love, Linda
Karen, the big tears seem to be waning. I think as time goes by, it helps us smile more. Hugs, Kip.
Am finding the same thing and it made me wonder what the heck is going on..................there is still the overwhelming saddness, but the emotional release of a good cry doesn\'t come as easily...............this just sucks.............
Lori