Why Can't a Relationship Ever be Easy??
I don't get why a relationship just can't be easy. It feels like every day with Joey is an uphill battle. Like I never get to just rest and enjoy being with him.
I recentley had a melt down of epic proportions. I went out with his sister to the bar, she bought me a few drinks since we are broke, and we danced for hours. We came home (alone, she likes house parties but since men always expect and I don't cheat she doesn't when we go out in respect for me) and I spent the night as previously arranged. She lives cross city from us and a cab would cost too much and we were both to drunk to drive. Joey picks me up the next day and we go out to the lake to boat and such with a friend of his. I don't see my house until 10pm that day. There were puzzles everywhere, dishes in the sink, the dishwasher was full and clean, laundry piled up (I left it as such as our washer broke, but Joey and his dad had fixed it the night I went out) and clean laundry piled on the dryer top covered in lint because I can never scare the lint away! Anyway...it just got to me. It get's overwhelming you know? All the constant cleaning, without help. All the times you have to pick up dirty laundry off the floor, or switch the toilet paper roll, or do someone else's dishes or throw out garbage that isn't yours. It just adds up until I snap, and I lost it. I freaked out and told Joey that I was exhausted. That he thinks I do nothing all day but let the kids in my dayhome run amok. Because engaging five kids of different age groups all at the same time, plus laundry, dishes, cooking, floors, washrooms, beds, toys and all of that stuff must magically happen.
He ACTUALLY hugged me. Joey has not physically comforted me in years when I get upset. He just stands there silently or else he gets mad and walks away. But the biggest upset was that I told him flat out that I find it hard to get out of sweat pants or brush my hair when no one looks twice at me. I'm so tired of feeling unattractive, undesirable, and unwanted.
Now this may get a tad in depth, lol, but since that argument he has kissed me.....ohhhh....once. And I had to ask for it. It's been two days. He hasn't said he loves me, and he hasn't looked twice. I really want him to, um, be intimate with me....but I don't want to have to tell him...or to initiate it. I want him to want me! I want him to take the initiative to make me feel special. Telling him will take away all the...I dunno...sparkle. I don't want to spell it out, even though everyone says I have to with me, I want him to look at me like he did in the start. Even if for one night. I deserve to feel like I'm important to him? Right?
And it's not like he's cruel lately, just, impartial. Like he doesn't care either way. When I try to get things going he wants me to do all the work, and then he rolls over and zonks, leaving me feeling upset and used. And when I tell him it doesn't compute.
I just want a day where I feel like I matter to him. Where I feel special, loved, adored...needed. But not one I have to orchastrate.
Any ideas??
I recentley had a melt down of epic proportions. I went out with his sister to the bar, she bought me a few drinks since we are broke, and we danced for hours. We came home (alone, she likes house parties but since men always expect and I don't cheat she doesn't when we go out in respect for me) and I spent the night as previously arranged. She lives cross city from us and a cab would cost too much and we were both to drunk to drive. Joey picks me up the next day and we go out to the lake to boat and such with a friend of his. I don't see my house until 10pm that day. There were puzzles everywhere, dishes in the sink, the dishwasher was full and clean, laundry piled up (I left it as such as our washer broke, but Joey and his dad had fixed it the night I went out) and clean laundry piled on the dryer top covered in lint because I can never scare the lint away! Anyway...it just got to me. It get's overwhelming you know? All the constant cleaning, without help. All the times you have to pick up dirty laundry off the floor, or switch the toilet paper roll, or do someone else's dishes or throw out garbage that isn't yours. It just adds up until I snap, and I lost it. I freaked out and told Joey that I was exhausted. That he thinks I do nothing all day but let the kids in my dayhome run amok. Because engaging five kids of different age groups all at the same time, plus laundry, dishes, cooking, floors, washrooms, beds, toys and all of that stuff must magically happen.
He ACTUALLY hugged me. Joey has not physically comforted me in years when I get upset. He just stands there silently or else he gets mad and walks away. But the biggest upset was that I told him flat out that I find it hard to get out of sweat pants or brush my hair when no one looks twice at me. I'm so tired of feeling unattractive, undesirable, and unwanted.
Now this may get a tad in depth, lol, but since that argument he has kissed me.....ohhhh....once. And I had to ask for it. It's been two days. He hasn't said he loves me, and he hasn't looked twice. I really want him to, um, be intimate with me....but I don't want to have to tell him...or to initiate it. I want him to want me! I want him to take the initiative to make me feel special. Telling him will take away all the...I dunno...sparkle. I don't want to spell it out, even though everyone says I have to with me, I want him to look at me like he did in the start. Even if for one night. I deserve to feel like I'm important to him? Right?
And it's not like he's cruel lately, just, impartial. Like he doesn't care either way. When I try to get things going he wants me to do all the work, and then he rolls over and zonks, leaving me feeling upset and used. And when I tell him it doesn't compute.
I just want a day where I feel like I matter to him. Where I feel special, loved, adored...needed. But not one I have to orchastrate.
Any ideas??
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