Why am I such a yo-yo?
This morning I got out of bed before 5:00 am determined that come hell or high water I was going to have a "normal day" or die trying because I could not take this sitting on the fence. I had rationalized in my brain during the night that at least if I crash, I could get treatment.
Of course, my husband was poking holes in my plan as soon as he got out of bed and he has me talked into waiting until Tuesday to come out guns blazing as the medical care would be better, he will be done with his 40 hour work stretch, and he won't have to use paid time off.
So I am now quasi behaving, quasi pouting, and I feel quasi-awful. Not to mention, I am quasi b*tchy! This aint the black and white me.
I am off to the church to see what the consultant has to say about the mess there. That might do me in without me having to do it. Come Tuesday, I am cleaning my carpets! Even if I cannot walk across the room without feeling exhausted,
Of course, my husband was poking holes in my plan as soon as he got out of bed and he has me talked into waiting until Tuesday to come out guns blazing as the medical care would be better, he will be done with his 40 hour work stretch, and he won't have to use paid time off.
So I am now quasi behaving, quasi pouting, and I feel quasi-awful. Not to mention, I am quasi b*tchy! This aint the black and white me.
I am off to the church to see what the consultant has to say about the mess there. That might do me in without me having to do it. Come Tuesday, I am cleaning my carpets! Even if I cannot walk across the room without feeling exhausted,
Replies
Debbie, as much as I understand the feeling, cleaning your carpets sounds like the worst idea I have heard in a long time. Not only are a lot of those solutions toxic and interfere with breathing, but putting what is in the carpets in the air is not going to help at all. You said you don\'t mind being scolded and this is serious scolding. The other problem unlike some of the silly things we do trying to clean up, is that it doesn\'t go away right away and you have to sleep there or get a motel room. Sweetie, we need to realize that we are not in charge of the world, it can get along without us, and will have to if we kill ourselves. Rest is not an indulgence, it is a necessity and you can spend every minute of it if you wish making lists of things to do, breaking them down into steps that you can do. Shaking the bars of your cage like I am is only slowing the process of healing, so try to shake them a little more gently. Your family will thank you for it. Love you, please take care (emotional stress is bad for us, too you know). As my mother used to say, \"God has enough to do with taking care of fools to be interfering in the lives of people who know better.\". I only wanted to ride my bicycle around my tiny town like other kids! b.
Scolding accepted with the love that was intended. I just am having my patience issues, I guess. Will I learn? Am I becoming brain damaged from the lack of oxygen? Some days I wonder. On a good note, the peace process has started at church. Now if I can be more peaceful to my family. Boy, do I have some control issues. Too many years being the boss, I guess.
Don\'t I know it. I was brought up as a preacher\'s kid on the story of the talents \" those to whom much is given, much will be expected.\" We have had some taken away, at least temporarily, but others and even our expectations remain the same. It is a big job to alter those expectations, especially for ourselves, and to try to tolerate tif not enjoy the relief not being able gives us when asked will you, please.
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, Now that you have been up awhile and severely scolded, I hope you have rethought your day and week.
I think if there were studies on this group, they would find many interesting similarities in our psyches. We are a competent, driven bunch who are used to being in control. My whole family and husband\'s were also raised on the same verse as Beth, Luke 12:48 and my children knew it from an early age (uh-oh!).
One of the hardest things I have struggled with was the feeling of not contributing and the guilt associated with it. Like you said, it is really hard when you look well and those that are much older are still contributing. Acceptance of this disease doesn\'t mean you are giving up on yourself, your family and your community. Think of it as a sabbatical for healing. You will be back, you just need to take care of you first.
Hugs,
sherry
Well said Sherry, i totally agree with you.The feeling of having that control taken away from us is scary and asking for help.......................
.Lorraine
Re-reading the posts for support, as instructed by b. I am taking it slower. Scared myself over the weekend. And it hurt to know how much my dh and you guys were scared for me. A week from yesterday!! I see the lung doc in 6 days.