whose plan am I living by?

hi guys - I didn't have to serve liturgy today,

so I slept in for the second day in a row. Joy!

yesterday was a good day and I found myself awake to some things.

I was sitting here in my room, with Blue, and for some reason

that I can't remember now, I started to wonder 'whose life plan

am I living by?" does this make sense to you guys? I certainly felt at the time

that I was frozen in place, not wanting to put a foot wrong - and I wondered

who is in charge here when I am alone? Whose format am I following? I started to question that sense of demand-

and - I can see how in marriage or in partnership,

there can be a dominant person and life plan to live by - though

ideally there is a life plan that you share - as well as ideally there is the supporting

of each other's individual life plan. One person's plan may be dominant -

but both are equally important. I've started to think about my own

mission in life. I'm coming to know it - happily- but then as I thought about 'following through with that' - and at moments

of decision like that - when to 'follow through' with a plan - very often the floor slips out from under my effort and my emotions

and psyche....and so I stop.

But I am realizing that I have to 'work through it' and 'walk through it' despite the depression

or lack of feeling of strength about myself or my goal - that can happen. So despite the floor seeming to drop out from under me in spirit I know and will take it one step at a time

even if  I’m feeling crestfallen - I am finding my buoyancy with myself and my plan! Projects are good to have!

And so I'll keep on keeping on. Have a great day everyone!

Sending peace and good vibes.