Who was Really Being Offensive?
What is your opinion?
Easter dinner at my house went horribly. My brother was obviously high and being a total dick to me, which is his favorite pastime. He picked on me and belittled me the entire time in front of everyone. Of course no one defended me. My fiance was at work for most of it. When he got home he suggested we go in our bedroom and shut the door.
I'm used to my mom and brother being abusive narcissists, but one thing in the conversation sticks out to me. They were talking about snakes. I said I hadn't seen any yet this year but that *my coworker* and *bleep* found 4 in their yard when they were doing yardwork. My brother said he didn't know who those people are. I went to explain that she is my coworker and *bleep* is her daughter. Well I goofed while talking and accidentally said daughter when I meant to say son. Then I kinda laughed and said I mean son, but he is her gay son and he dresses like a girl sometimes. I really don't think he would mind if he got called her daughter.
Is that really that offensive? Because my brother flipped out on me.
Now let me just say I have lots of gay and trans friends. And I had a coworker in the past whose son was gay and he did prefer to be called her daughter. So maybe that's why I slipped and said that. I don't have any issue with calling someone by the pronoun they identify with. And my brother does not know my coworker or her son, whereas I was in the same class with him at school and know him very well.
My brother, on the other hand, has a child who is transgender that he refused to acknowledge as such. If he has to talk about his child (who was born a girl) and he doesn't say daughter then he says "my asshole son."
Now I find that way more offensive than me accidentally calling someone who wasn't even there by the wrong descriptive.
My brother obviously likes to just start fights, but it stuck with me since I have a lot of gay friends. It made me wonder if I say insensitive things around them. Surely I don't or they wouldn't still be friends with me?
Was it wrong of me when I corrected my goof in the conversation to make an excuse for doing so? Was that offensive?
Replies
When it comes to domestic disputes, I hold all parties as equally offensive and certainly don't want to replay the drama play by play or take sides in the dispute. I prefer to disappear until the healing has begun. The only clean fights are the ones we avoid, all together.
Sorry you were hurt in the fray, Ghost. Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.
Continued support while you sort.
Sounds like brother has a giant chip on his shoulder about anyone that’s not straight even in a conversation. I wouldn’t worry about it.
My weird family would behave like that. You can't change your brother. I've talked about it a lot, and I've been advised when something like that happens, to just stay cool and make a joke of it, and just let it go. It may be hard in the heat of the moment with your brother, but next time he says something weird, just try and make a joke of it.
It sounds like your brother needs to be more loving and compassionate towards others. He may learn to do so in time....hope and pray!
Love needs no defense. I read somewhere that 80% of all of us come from dysfunctional homes. You are not alone, my friend. Hugs!
God Bless