who is my rock?

who is my rock when I am alone? when no one I know can be by the phone?

I try to meditate on things that are given?

On nature, on humility on where I am goin?

I found today an acceptance that my pride is not helpful.

I am trying to embrace the community at work - and the job that I am doing.

I save my money - and budget for expenses yet where or when is it real?

It's just that these moments only come and go and then when making art it seems to make it real.

For some reason when I talk to others around town or over text, I worry. I know it's my illness

but I am scared..maybe they are too? of what the other might be thinking? Can I relax enough to just enjoy people?

I want to be loved, I want to have a place. I may not be a star but I still need to be very good

at taking care of myself even if humility is 'my vision.' We all need to take care and be who we are...

We are all kind of unstable here where I live and the interactions here churn me up, I feel like crap and maybe feel

like I should hurry up and get to work tomorrow.. to deal with the stressors there, better than the stressors here.

Perhaps I am real when I am home, the lonely separate one....but safe and accommodated and grateful.