Who is he?

What can I do about how I feel so anger a lot of the time. It is because I think of him deceiving me and all the lies. I can look back and see all the details of the deception and it makes me absolutely sick. Since I found out that they had been corresponding again and I look back at the days we fooled around and when we didn't and one of the nights he went to bed without hugging me or even a kiss and turns out that was a Tuesday which are her days off. I definitely believe that they met up and had sex again. I don't know what to believe any more. I can not believe anything that comes out of his mouth. So foolish me falling for his begging and sweet talk. Lets see how long it takes for him to talk to her this time. The last few days at work have been torture. It feels like I had made progress from dday but then to discover that their relationship had not ended just pushed my recovery so far back that I feel like I don't know if I can learn to trust him again. I look at him and feel like he is a different person. I still see my H but the person inside is not the same. I am not sure about the future of me and this man.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

girl....you need to trust your instincts and be strong....for you and your kids.
Big hugs
Aronia
Aronia

Your intuition has not let you down. On the first days of this I also asked myself : \" who is this person?? how can the person I know do what he did?\"
He was this person all along I just didn\'t see it.
Get yourself together and be sure to collect all evidence you have of their affair. don\'t jump the gun right now, play along.
You need to have evidence like phone bills etc for the day when you decide to go to the lawyer. Do not tell him ANYTHING anymore. if he is still seeing her, you need to shut down. He is no longer someone you can trust.
Start looking for a lawyer. Get a separate bank account.
Do this quickly, because if he finds out you want to leave him you have no idea how he will react and you need to be ready.
if you have kids, you need to be the first one to file papers.
deleted_user
deleted_user

You still have to be the one to decide what is best for you. During the first month after Dday, things were wonderful (I thought) between us. We were making love often, very affectionate and loving and he was telling me he had stopped and wanted our marriage to work. I too found out during that time that contact was still going on. That was devastating and is still the thing that haunts me most. I have had no evidence or even signs that anything is still going on and I do believe it stopped after I confronted him again. But it has been very hard to understand and get over because my mind keeps going back to that month that things were so great, yet why did he continue? I can only speculate, but he says he never had any real intention of leaving me. I think now that the EA had more to do with his feelings about himself than me. At the time his company had sold out and after more than 30yrs his job future was uncertain. I think he found himself in his middle 50s and having a midlife crisis. He no longer felt he was important to me and he reached out to the OW who made him feel young and wanted again. I certainly am not excusing what he did, ultimately it was a betrayal and there is no excuse good enough, I am just trying to understand it. I think he continued the contact because he still needed that esteem boost and he really thought I wouldn\'t find out it was still going on since we were doing well. He was playing with fire and got burned. I think he finally realized he was going to lose me and it woke him up. I can\'t say that is what is going on with your H. But it is a possiblity. Bottom line is, if your marriage has any chance of making it at all, he has to stop all contact 100% and be totally honest with you.