Who Am I Beneath?

I am only a few days on this Daily Strength site.  The feedback and welcome from all has been great.  I'm finding relief in knowing that I can jump on and type some ideas out, rather than fall back into familiar patterns of addiction to fill the loneliness or the pain.

Tonight was great in that I had an hour-long conversation with a really great friend.  I've known this person since about 2013.  She is a journeyer and spiritual seeker like me.  We both have a history of trauma and pain, yet we share a deep desire for growth.

A few years ago she did an amazing thing for me when my grandfather, who I was very close to, passed away.  She traveled 3 hours out of her way just to be by my side as I grieved.  She just listened to me as I poured my heart out.  It was one of the kindest things anyone has done for me... to just listen.

I keep coming back to this thought.  As I give up addictions and seek better health, I am struck by this idea -- who am I beneath these habits?  I am 34 years old.  These addictions have been a huge part of my life, my coping mechanisms, my self identification.  I formed so many ideas from prolonged exposure to unhealthy environments, dysfunctional relationships.  What would it be like to be free of that?

I can feel my body change and my brain reorient itself.  I am hoping for a positive 90 days until 2017.

Writing things out is a huge part of that.  In the past, I would email friends or be active on social media.  But right now, I just want a release valve.  I am glad I found this Daily Strength site.  Glad to know there are others who are out there who get this journey.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words of encouragement in the past few days!