whining ....... wah wah wah. ugh. need a break from me.

so thirsty, but need to sit here a bit and catch my breath.

house mouse chores done for the day......not the cooking, but the other stuff.  clean and shiny from my favorite shower!

kitties pretending to behave......i have a new vacuum courtesy of my son, it's lightweight, cordless, runs for about twenty minutes.....before it needs recharging, which is enough time to tidy the main trails i tread upon.

it looks so pretty out there.....trying to remember how many times i've been out this month?  three times maybe?  hmmmm, think it was twice to the store and once to the doc.  sounds about right.  i have less drive for adventure, for reading, for hobbies.  haven't been coloring.....but i did recover three pillows by hand.  they are soft, pretty and not bad considering.....

they are baby blue, not flannel but that other soft fabric......lost the name of it.  people like to wear it as shirts and jammies in the colder months cause it's warm and wonderful.  moving on.....i'm watching mash on hulu.  it's funny, poignant, really good writing, interesting characters.  i watched the movie "the fighter" on netflix last night.  it was really good too, good character development, well directed.......watched "the accidental husband".....it was not very good, but i watched the whole romcom .......colin firth's talents were wasted in this film......not everything is oscar material.  this was soooo not. 

i write about tv because that 's what i have to do, this is my life.  old lady with two cats who lives alone, i'm a punchline for comedians and young people.  not exactly what i imagined, but here it is and here i am.  i've learned to be my own friend.  take care of myself semi well.......

i cancelled my new rheumy appt again.  why?  well, it's a dollars and sense thing for right now, gotta pay down that dental fee for the latest crown.......and because i'm temporarily out of medical care faith.  maybe it will return, but i find that even at my regular doctor i am not comfortable.  the long uncomfortable wait time, the attitude of my doctor.......if i go in in a good mood then he's in a good mood, if i'm in a not so good mood then neither is he......feel like i have to bring in the fun or it's no fun at all.  not that medical appts are meant for entertainment, more like i need him to say how are you?  as in how are you managing, how are your pain levels, things that make me feel that he is in it with me......i also notice that i feel claustraphobic in the waiting room.  the final waiting room, i  feel uneasy, closed off from air and freedom and being ok.  i'm already alone so much, that waiting in a badly painted room designed to put kids at ease, does not help me feel at ease at all......it's too much alone too much of the time.

feel like i'm losing things that used to feel so important.  the drive to take my regular walks at thrift stores.  i went to one recently, got that tea pot, but i had to push myself to go in and walk the aisles.  that time at the bad doctor really winded my level of function and drive.  i went to her for help and hope and got worse.  i think i should talk to somebody but that costs money.  lol......hellova deal.

this is the whiny drippy complainy version of yours truly, i need to laugh and go for a drive in a convertable with the wind in my hair.....thinking of Natalie Cole's version of "Pink Cadillac"........I used to sing that driving cross country from here to the west coast......during a time when i was healthy and went places..........so many places.

the end.