It's the weekend, I'm not going to worry my way through it

I've been thinking about a few things.

For one, where I find my strength in life.....

My father always talked about

'finding your structure..' 

I keep a pretty tight routine of things as you all may kind of have surmised.

I like structure....

The structure I keep to couch me in the consideration that I favor in order to support

my individual likes in life and sense of ownership and well being is slowly building

into a real life out here...a fuller life than during the days when I was less healthy.

I may like things that are specific to me in all my foibles and idisosyncracies...

But I'm starting to know...that's very well ok...

Anyways when I am with others who may not share the same or similar

sensitivites (treatment of feelings) I kind of 'give it up' to just the well being of the group,

I can become whispy thin and like gauzy blowing in the wind but

I don't want to be  jerk and so I just kind of live and let live and equally I should

tell you that if I didn't 'give it up' my anxiety and fears would really badger me bigtime -

I've got a weird side to me - and As I've

noticed when I transition to being with others initially I feel a lot of agression.

That's something I am trying to reconcile and manage to be positive ...

Anyways, here I am.. I was trying to get to sleep and trying to weigh the pros and cons of things.

Learning what to measure within me to see what I am responding to and suddenly I now have gone bigger than me picture in that I am realizing I was

giving myself stress and worrying my weekend night away. I will not be letting my weekend

evening free take me down a rabbit hole of anxiousness tonight.

I've got plenty to talk about. I guess there's something within me that's gotta get out

I'm gonna enjoy the night.