where home was
It was a day during my Spring Break. Since I'm a teacher, I get a week off during the Spring, in March. Its usually the third week but they moved it up because of standardized testing preparation. It wasn't even technically spring yet, but it has been getting into the 70's here since the end of February.
I had to close a joint checking account that we had at this big monstrous bank that shall not be named. We had stopped using this account as our primary one. Its a long story but I had to pay a negative balance before being able to close it down. I also had to remove Aaron from our auto insurance as a driver and the vehicle he drove as well because I'm not keeping it. The insurance office is close to our home, where I am not currently living-only visiting and taking my belongings from.
I was alone when I went to take care of this insurance business. I usually have one or all of my children with me. And as I drove to my house because I thought it'd be a good idea to check my mail, I felt like I was going home to Aaron. I so felt like he was going to be there. I drove there like I had on many occasions...to him. I could just feel the familiarity of the whole situation. That he would be there. Of course the house was only an empty relic of what once was. Being there alone, really disturbed me and I think that based on this experience that I don't know if I can live there anymore. I feel like I'm trying to relive the past.... I felt a little grateful for those feelings because it helps me little by little to figure things out with rebuilding my life.
I had to close a joint checking account that we had at this big monstrous bank that shall not be named. We had stopped using this account as our primary one. Its a long story but I had to pay a negative balance before being able to close it down. I also had to remove Aaron from our auto insurance as a driver and the vehicle he drove as well because I'm not keeping it. The insurance office is close to our home, where I am not currently living-only visiting and taking my belongings from.
I was alone when I went to take care of this insurance business. I usually have one or all of my children with me. And as I drove to my house because I thought it'd be a good idea to check my mail, I felt like I was going home to Aaron. I so felt like he was going to be there. I drove there like I had on many occasions...to him. I could just feel the familiarity of the whole situation. That he would be there. Of course the house was only an empty relic of what once was. Being there alone, really disturbed me and I think that based on this experience that I don't know if I can live there anymore. I feel like I'm trying to relive the past.... I felt a little grateful for those feelings because it helps me little by little to figure things out with rebuilding my life.
Replies
Taking care of that \'administrative\' stuff sucks, doesn\'t it?! I felt like one thing after another that I never thought of would keep popping up. The hardest for me was shutting off her cell phone. She had the same phone number for like 15 years. And texting was our main line of communication when I was not at the hospital with her during the 4 months she was there. Hope you\'re feeling a little better.
You have just accomplished two major things, both of which \"erase\" Aaron (legally, not actually). You must expect backlash: totally normal. I hope you have a grief counselor, you would benefit greatly from the support. Don\'t make any major decisions about the house right now. Seek counseling and go forward slowly. Don\'t plan. Be led.
DaughterofLourdes, you are so right! I often want to just make decisions quickly and move forward...but it is wise to move slower during these times. Thank you for the encouragement.