Where did I lose me - cont..

I guess the next part of our relationship was when things started getting weird - the time when I should have really started seeing red flags and running for cover!  I am not sure that there was a lot of overt anything, just a lot of things that I should have said no - not good enough for me - to.
I was growing more and more attached to him.  I can see looking back now that he did a really effective job of profiling me and providing exactly what my dream man would be.  At this point, I hadn't lost me yet, but was certainly falling for him.  I certainly gave him way too much information on what made me tick, things that had bothered me in my past and in my past relationships - from simple things like not liking overly syrupy type guys to much deeper feelings regarding my guilt over my daughter's abuse etc.  He did a very good job of being tender, but straight forward (not all mushy-mushy).  He poured on all the goods like asking me if I was an angel.  It was all just so grand for quite some time.
The only big incident I remember during this time period was one night my cousin and I were going to go out and had asked him if he would like to join us.  He told us he was tired and just staying in that night.  Well, after going out, my cousin wanted to go home with her man (but was driving) and so spontaneously decided to just stop by his place (and hopefully dump me off).  He wasn't home.  Me, really, I was all for her just driving me on home - we weren't a married couple afterall.  But, my cousin is much more of a pepper.  She called him and was immediately questioning where he was.  At some point, she handed the phone over to me.  He was quite taken back that my cousin was questioning him.  He said that he had gotten bored and wasn't "out" had just walked to a friend's house to hang out for a bit.  He was quite upset over being questioned. 
Thinking back now on that night, I do believe he was at more of a party than he let on.  At the time, I was upset both that he wasn't quite where he said he was going to be, and upset with my cousin for involving herself and mainly just glad to finally get home!  I really let this night go.  It is feasible that after a bit of rest and relaxation, he just decided to get out of the house.  Now that I know everything that happened over the next years, I actually think he probably had other plans that night that just didn't include me.
The worst part about that night, was that he did use that against me in every confrontation we had including during our final communications.  It was apparent to him that from the very beginning I had issues with trust and had never trusted him to begin with - subsequently pushing him further and further away.  Ah no - truth is, it was my cousin who questioned this and me that thought it feasible!!
This is the only incident that jumps out at me before our marriage.  But again, insights looking back are much different than where I was at that time.  So, I can now see that he began stretching the "trouble with time" thing a bit further and went missing on one other occasion - where I knew he was going out with his friends and he had said he would try to come by afterward.  Well, he never showed and never called.  I talked to him the next afternoon.  He said that he had a little too much to drink and was sorry that he had passed out.  At this time, I said nothing outside of "I wish you had thought to call and let me know you weren't going to make it".  That was it...all I said. 
The entire time we were dating, there were perhaps nuances I should have picked up on and definitely boundaries that I know I will set firmly in the future, but nothing that really just would jump out and grab you.
A couple of months after these incidents, he took me out to a nice dinner, back to his place and asked me to marry him.  I agreed, although at that time, we didn't make definite plans or set a definite date. 
At this point, I was still me, but had definitely fallen and thought he was "the one".
Since I don't want each journal to be a novel...I will save our marriage and first years for another entry....