when you have your answers
I am obsessing this morning. It's like a crazy squirrel energy in my head. I shy away from doing things
with my day...it's like I am afraid to assert myself in the world...so many times that has lead to trouble?? (is that it, is that what's bothering me??) or is it that it takes strength to pursue your own path and value it...and then to get along with others once you have your own path and your own 'answers' to life...
I know in the past when I have found answers I have felt super proud of them - super proud and almost defiant at one point (quite a long time ago)
Maybe I need to find my own answers that are good for me - but not only that... that promote good will with those around me - that promote the good health of the relationships in my life.... I don't know... I know that I fear getting out there - like I am going to 'miss something' by going my own road... I think that anhedonia concept might fit in here too. It's so weird
how at a moments notice my mind can turn on me - and I will feel unloved - and rejected.. when i can logically say 'it's not true' but my emotions say so and to get over it "I need validation and comforting." Then it goes quiet for a while and then starts up all over again.
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it's weird, I have been finding it hard to submit myself in certain social situations. Like I don't want to suppress having things my way (but it's weird I know that's not cool)..and I try to do it - I know it's not ok to put my stuff on other people - and then slowly I lose track of myself and give up and all goes quiet and relaxed when I am around others.
Hang in there Mark...I've been obsessing too...
thanks.
For what it's worth:
When I get that hamster wheel effect going in my head, the thoughts are usually very repetitive. I decided to make use of that repetition by translating my thoughts to a foreign language. I started with Spanish y, si, ahora hablo muy bien. Now that I can obsess in two languages, these days I'm translating to German, Portuguese and Mandarin.
?Tal vez quisieras aprender espanol? Si, se puede.
si yo puedo entender, he estudiado espanol en escuela secondario. Un vez en el pasado habia hablado muy bien pero ahora no mucho. yo trabajo con muchos latinos pero yo tengo el accento espanola.
Well I think you're a great guy!!!.... do you think you might be a little manic sweetie?..... Big hug....xo
Mark is a nice guy
thanks guys! I don't know if I am manic. I see my Doctors soon in the beginning of January. For now it's just taking it a day at a time.