When the truth comes out, so do some ?

Dear DS diary,
I am only labeling this a call for help because I really am confused by the kinds of thoughts I will try to talk about in this entry.
So, I was on Skype with one of the few friends I have the other night.  I wanted to do a video chat, but somehow the webcam on my lappy wasn't working properly and I couldn't figure out why.  A lot of stuff was (cuckoo) up with my lappy that night...maybe I have to buy a new one?
Anyway, we talked about some things going on with her, particularly about candles and how she hopes to make some income off of them someday (I hope that she does).  We also talked about my bunny nightmare that's the easiest one to work through at the moment...and my true feelings about it came out.
See, I did mention when I journaled out said bunny nightmare that my brother, who was directly responsible for triggering it, received a nasty text at 1am in the hours following Easter dinner.  But not all of the details came out.  I had been feeling really vulnerable because the bombing nightmares (the ones related to the Boston marathon bombings), had left me feeling very tired, cranky, miserable...and frankly, angry.  I know what broken sleep does to people because I've experienced it before.  One night, I'm just foggy the next day.  Two nights, it becomes a struggle just to function.  But this broken sleep streak extended for two and a half weeks, with only one exception because I was so darned exhausted...and I can't put into words what that does to me.
But here's the thing: When I sent that particular text, what I said was sanitized compared to what I really wanted to say.  And what I really wanted to say was that I hoped somebody would get him KTFO for doing that, because I'm honestly getting sick of his finding wild crap as he seems to have a gift for doing.  Please pardon my language here, but for the uninitiated, KTFO means knocked the fuck out.
Which, now that I think about it, has me wondering where my thoughts really are, if I have an issue that even I didn't notice until now.  Because even if I had been sleeping okay up to that night, the fact that my image of bunnies was seriously damaged and now has to be rebuilt would have required me to use a lot of restraint not to tell him to go get his behind kicked up and down the streets of Manhattan.  And with the way I've been mad at the world since high school, it's actually coming to mind now that I have had nightmares in which I've basically shot, beaten the (cuckoo) out of, or otherwise just plain mutilated people I don't know at first sight, without giving them a chance.
I've felt that people are only out to hurt me, with only occasional rare exceptions, for longer than I want to admit, so I'm really confused about the following: Could it be possible that my "walls" are high enough and my distrust so bad that there is an aggressive side of me -- the kind that would land me in jail -- that's just waiting for an appropriate time to take me over?  Because...I noticed I was looking up street fight KO videos on the Tube last night, which is very clearly not like me.