when off work, i want to be safe

I don't know why it is, but as I have aged and come to awareness and health, I have also lost much of my sense of adventure.

Maybe it's just a different phase of my life, where I am aware of and wanting different things. Needing different things and so on..

Don't know, but much of my world is very concentrated and most of the time, I just want to be safe. Save money, don't eat too much, 

watch out for alcohol, don't make too many expenditures. I am actually not struggling - but paradoxically I kind of am.

I know I am doing what I can to be responsible about things as I can. Sure I would like more money so that my world could expand. I have also though learned to value much different things since coming to this place.

Frankly too, after coming to a greater sense of awareness about my condition, I find my sense of humility is a lot greater. I am not so consistent and i find that leaves me with a sense of the carpet pulled out from under me most times when I think about trying to do something professionally that would be more compensating.

This other idea too, though it may be part of the consistency thing - is that many times I will plan to buy something or eat or drink something or do something...many times when it finally comes to that moment after planning- my mind will change and it all seem unimportant - used to happen more - but still sometimes does. Isn't that weird?

Anyways, no more complaining. Being safe is a good idea, but also challenging myself is important.



I have the day to myself. I just had to deal with some jehovah witness type people at the front door.
They were so rude and deadly. Now to deal with the rest of the day. Rather than wait for inspiration, I know I have some laundry to do - and I can just motor on that. Maybe along the way something will occur to me do instead of just hole up here in my room and waste the day away in television.

I don't want to discourage you from doing something new and challenging, but we do have our stress to manage or we get sick. I know I do. I hope you can find that "thing" that will work for you.

thanks becky! I appreciate the caution!