when off work, i want to be safe
I don't know why it is, but as I have aged and come to awareness and health, I have also lost much of my sense of adventure.
Maybe it's just a different phase of my life, where I am aware of and wanting different things. Needing different things and so on..
Don't know, but much of my world is very concentrated and most of the time, I just want to be safe. Save money, don't eat too much,
watch out for alcohol, don't make too many expenditures. I am actually not struggling - but paradoxically I kind of am.
I know I am doing what I can to be responsible about things as I can. Sure I would like more money so that my world could expand. I have also though learned to value much different things since coming to this place.
Frankly too, after coming to a greater sense of awareness about my condition, I find my sense of humility is a lot greater. I am not so consistent and i find that leaves me with a sense of the carpet pulled out from under me most times when I think about trying to do something professionally that would be more compensating.
This other idea too, though it may be part of the consistency thing - is that many times I will plan to buy something or eat or drink something or do something...many times when it finally comes to that moment after planning- my mind will change and it all seem unimportant - used to happen more - but still sometimes does. Isn't that weird?
Anyways, no more complaining. Being safe is a good idea, but also challenging myself is important.