when nature calls

I know that phrase is usually used for something more bodily oriented

but in this case I am using or applying it to my need for contact. Anybody out there???

I went to work this morning, and worked alright - I did a fine job - it was just routine.

Then I came home and started to deal with my alone time.. I find myself really trying

to excavate my experience so that I can handle it - to provide for it - 'it' being my nature.

If I don't realize what I am doing - I'll probably won't understand what it is I need to do.

That's something my Stepmom said to me... she said "You don't understand your feelings."

It rang a bell for me.

While alone I find myself really wanting to connect with some 'thing' that will give me a sense

of what I am doing... Writing here on the journal gives me that sense and a purpose too.

I find myself looking for definers and also catharsis. I can get real caught up in my focus - 

which will influence me to hide away in the apartment and seep deeper into the recessive of my thoughts

rather than deal with the focus of 'mind and body'

and being with others. The yoga classes I took really opened my world to dealing with my body as a wonderful

vessel - to honor it - and to honor others was really a wonderful present I learned from.

I realize now I really need to keep an eye on physical health which is revelatory for me...

in the way they taught us yoga was really nurturing and lovely. So now I am home alone

and I seek out a focus to plug myself into to deal with the alone time or maybe just the down time.

I have to 'watch it' because I can get really tenacious about what I focus on - I can lose that sense of my body

and in turn it can become like a cage for me from lack of use... Anyway, nature called me right now to come on here and express my

stuff. I am feeling well. I really look forward to going on vacation coming up the first week of March! :) yay!