When is it time to say "enough"?
I am at work right now. I am going on nearly 8 hours with 4 more to go. I am exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open and I am so tired I am dizzy.
I gave up going to physical therapy. It was recommended by my rheumy because he thought it would help with range of motion in my joints. I went for a month twice a week. The only thing it did was make me even more exhausted and my muscles and joints hurt so bad I did not want to move.
Why am I being so stubborn? Why am I pushing myself like this? Why am I so affraid to go on disability? I know the answer...I am afraid people will look down on me and tell me there is nothing wrong with me and that I am just using the system. After all, I have heard that before!!!
People keep telling me how strong I am....but I am not. I keep telling myself~ "just one step at a time..one day at a time". But I feel like if I take one more step today I am going to fall over.
I am so tired that I can't stand myself right now. If I ask to go home, it leaves the others short-staffed. I sound like that old engine from that kids story book....repeat to myself "I think I can, I think I can" and maybe, just maybe, I will make it through the rest of my shift.
I gave up going to physical therapy. It was recommended by my rheumy because he thought it would help with range of motion in my joints. I went for a month twice a week. The only thing it did was make me even more exhausted and my muscles and joints hurt so bad I did not want to move.
Why am I being so stubborn? Why am I pushing myself like this? Why am I so affraid to go on disability? I know the answer...I am afraid people will look down on me and tell me there is nothing wrong with me and that I am just using the system. After all, I have heard that before!!!
People keep telling me how strong I am....but I am not. I keep telling myself~ "just one step at a time..one day at a time". But I feel like if I take one more step today I am going to fall over.
I am so tired that I can't stand myself right now. If I ask to go home, it leaves the others short-staffed. I sound like that old engine from that kids story book....repeat to myself "I think I can, I think I can" and maybe, just maybe, I will make it through the rest of my shift.
Replies
I\'m hear to support you while your work through this...whatever you decide. I think it has been enough for more than long enough....if I had the power to decide I would bench you and guide your through the steps that can save your life........sending you love for each step, every breath and all that you are going through......gentle hugs, care and as always I am praying for you to let go of what anyone thinks, to trust what your body is telling you......hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs........