when is going to end
I just can't do this anymore, I can't handle anything else. I have legal issues going on with my kids thanks to their stupid decisions and their not wanting to listen to me. My ex was given the unsupervised visitation that he wanted, he showed up for a few weeks but has been around in the last 12 weeks or so, now I'm stuck dealing with the "clean up" bs. My oldest son (16) has moved out, sort of, he's been staying with friends, my parents and I caught hi sleeping in his car once. My house was broken into twice with only his stuff being stolen and then his car was broke into. We know who it is but we have to wait for the cops to do their thing which is getting frusterating . Not having him at home is just breaking my heart but I understand that he doesn't want to be here. I'm trying to get us a new house in a better neighborhood but my credit sucks thanks tot he ex. I'm working on fixing my credit but I need something now & everywhere I look I just keep going in circles. I overheard a conversation that my middle son was having with a friend " I would love to have a stepdad but my mom has no life" so I asked him if he thought that I was happy being alone, that I would love to have someone in my life, have someone to curl up with and even when i know he's lying have him tell me everything is going to be okay, but its not fair to anyone for me to bring anyone into this family. I swear everywhere I look I just keep getting reminded of how alone I am, its just been easier to give into the depression and cut myself off from the world.
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I am so sorry you are going threw all this. Please try to get on here sometimes. I\'m hoping it will help if you have someone to talk to. Let me know if there is anything i can do ..
HUGS & LOVE
So very sorry to read, I know how this feels, my ex kept my kids from me and they are my world, I almost panic when I don\'t have them as I have them most the time, even changed my son to go to a school where I live, I live in a camper I put behind my sisters place, while it is nice and comfy, I left the house I built personally most of for her to keep and have another man in it, I never wanted a divorce see, and was given up on and away completely after 26 years of marriage, now each day can be a chore, I also have three kids, I don\'t say all this to depress, I am very similar to you, I love the gym, collect tattoos and have another to finish this week on my chestpiece, I like large tats and all mine have meaning, I also want that person to curl up to and hold me and me them, and have trust issues, but have learned through much pain how to care for someone now and to let them go and be free at the same time if that makes sense, I have been the only one that works you see, full time and a side business with a few clients, so know, you are on my mind, and for someone that only knows you here, no you are not alone, we collectively have to reach out to others, I know it is hard, I haven\'t responded nor put a journal entry here in months, I weened myself off my meds but have drank more than I should also, I have had others try to get close to me and I am never going to feel control nor try to control another again, I may stay single, who knows, I know it will be a long time before anything serious, spend these times on you, watch a sunset, go for a drive or plan a day trip,. take off a day and do something you want to do, roast marshmallows by a fire, lay on the hood of the car and watch the stars, know this, just like myself, it won\'t be forever, one day we will be holding the hand of another that wants these same things and watch the stars together
Know you are thought of and loved, and pray you read this soon and are doing better. xo
*hugs* I can\'t relate, but I can send some positive thoughts!
Thanks everyone