When do I stop counting the Days since He left ????

I wish I could shut my thoughts off for at least one full day. One full day completely free of these thoughts that have been plaguing me, would be heaven. I keep going over and over the same things a million times in my mind, and get nowhere. Do I honestly think that thinking about what happened between my exbf and me will give me any answers, or closure ? I don't know. I guess I hope that it will help, but if I go by past experiences I really should know better. Over-thinking has always been something that's gotten me into trouble of one form, or another, in my life. It doesn't matter whether it has to do with my finances, employment status, relationship status, or family matters, over-thinking situations has always ended up making things worse, and not better. So why do it ? I wish I knew. It's like when you tell yourself to NOT look at something, you find that your eyes are drawn to it more than ever before. 

 It's been a little over 3 weeks since he left me. I wish it didn't feel like 3 years ! I've been trying to keep my thoughts occupied on other things, but nothing seems to work for very long. I'll be okay for a day, or so, and then I'm right back to feeling depressed. I keep asking myself.... " Why wasn't I enough for him ? Why couldn't he love me the way I loved him ? Why was it that nothing I ever did for him was good enough ? Why when I found out that he was doing " bad things ", that I was the " bad guy " for discovering it ?!  Why wasn't he the bad guy for doing EVERYTHING he had sworn to me OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN that HE WAS NOT DOING ?!?! WHY did his New - former Exgf - tell me that I pushed him away by accusing him of doing things he wasn't doing... that he asked me to stop accusing him, so I was the ONE at fault for him going ahead and doing it ?!?!? .... WHAT KIND OF TWISTED... SICK.. PERVERTED... LOGIC IS THAT ???!!! ....  

  Since WHEN is it " normal ", " okay ", and " acceptable ", for someone to DO SOMETHING solely because they are being " accused of " doing it ?!?!?!... 

ISN'T THAT CHILDISH ? EXTREMELY IMMATURE ? ISN'T IT ?

I've talked to him about that topic in the past, but apparently he never agreed with me that it's childish to follow that way of thinking, and act on it, since here I am AGAIN.... 

Him LEFT.... supposedly because of ME PUSHING HIM AWAY ! ... WHAT A CROCK OF GARBAGE ! .... 

How do you PUSH AWAY someone that has NO CONCEPT of what it means to be FAITHFUL... LOYAL.. LOVING... CARING... UNDERSTANDING... RESPECTFUL.. GIVING ????? 

ONE thing among MANY right now... that I HATE is that I HATE that I was RIGHT !!!!!.... 

This LAST TIME that I took him BACK... AGAIN... I HAD A " FEELING "... AN " INSTINCT "... THAT EVERYTHING HE WAS PROMISING ME WAS PURE BULL ... AND THAT HE WAS ONLY USING ME FOR A PLACE TO BE FOR AWHILE... UNTIL HE DECIDED WHERE HE WANTED TO MOVE TO NEXT ! 

I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO THAT VOICE... TO THAT INNER " INSTINCT "... BUT MY HEART WANTED TO KEEP HOLDING ONTO HOPE THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE " DIFFERENT "... THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY NOT LYING TO ME... AND THAT HE WOULD KEEP HIS PROMISES !!!!! .... HAHAHAHAHA !!!!! 

It's clear to me that he has no concept of HOW to keep promises ! ... and I'm wondering if he has ANY idea what LOVE really is... I highly doubt it !