when alone

when I am alone, my mind likes to focus on something. Whether it's the tv going

or the music on - or both at the same time - and my ideas swirling. I like to have something to figure

out... I have spent so many years, so much time, trying to suppress in order to figure stuff out - 

to behave in an ok way - and to focus on relationships - when I realize now I need to keep giving myself

something to work on....The work I do is not fancy - but I have to say - it's been a blessing for me to have...

it's necessary but it's also showing me that I really like to do it - I groove on it - and look forward to going back..

I used to be an artist, a painter and a decorator of my home. I really played with materials and placed them next to each other to contrast and compliment. I used to collect art as well. I used to draw and paint...in my time off

but my illness, threw me out the window of life... Now that I am more stable and aware, I want to get back into the things I used to like...but I know I have to keep one foot in the mental health managing world - because too much focus on what I like and I will probably go unconscious again and mismanage life....Just thinking in terms of what I like

has my mind speeding up a bit and my head is shaking a little - I get tremors in my hands now and then...but I think I can manage it. I will focus on doing stuff.