Whats normal?

I feel that I have lost what might be the idea of normal. How can you trust again after you invest every bit of your heart in someone and they betray you in the deepest way? First my husband that I shared a life with for 18 years had a affair. Now years later i thought I found true love. Someone who loved me so much to give up everything for me. Then to only find out he would do the same. Its as though my dream of the happy ever after is coming to a reality of something that does not exist. It is so hard to trust. Actually I don't trust anyone at all. I stay with this man and live one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Some I could run away and others I feel like I am happy and believe him when he says he loves and wants only me.

I feel this has changed me. In many bad ways. I wish that I could go back in time. Back to before any affairs. Life was so different. Seemed so connected in ways. With a way of life. Affair was a word that never even entered my mind. Was not a possibility and only something you heard of happening in other peoples lives. Then when the absolutely impossible happens to you in your normal,innocent,clean and untainted life everything changes. New doors are open and lives are completely devistated. Nothing will ever be the same. That day marks a day your life changes forever. It is the start of a new person you will become because of what you are about to endure. No turning back now.