what to do/making it count

again I'm aware of and noticing, I don't really know what to or how to schedule my downtime.. I am also realizing that when I try to be 'self responsible' about things

I tend to go real objective about things and lose my sense of personal happiness

and satisfaction. It's a duality and maybe a paradox...

That is until now. I'm getting comfortable with the unstructured time that I have because of my two weeks vacation and also learning to make 'my time count' in a way that's personal to me.

When I think about just my responsibilities and think about planning my time it's like I draw a blank when trying to 'futurize.' I've wanted to bring this up with my therapist

to see if she hasn't any thoughts, insights or ideas about how to challenge this barrier I come up against. I know 'it' doesn't have to be 'perfectly done' but I guess when I lose that sense of personal experience it's like I just become a kind of worker bee and so

it seems so often I go for short term goals, just what's right in front of my face, short term indulgences,

like going for coffee, like going to the pub for drinks and pub food, like shopping for small things I need.

Keeping the house in order. I looked at all of it and wanted to break it down into an analysis. Break it down so I could maybe do something effectively engaged.

I guess though, what it's turning into, is just the idea of making my time count.

I started to exercise today to engage some of that extreme energy inclination that I have...and so I just

thought, I want to make my time about "wellness." That kind of theme has helped me put my ducks in a way.. In those times of keeping objective I can apply that theme to everything I do, from taking walks, to lifting weights, to better choices for the food I eat and what I drink. Going to work and taking care of my prime responsibilities are first and then the rest of the time

But I think it's probably important as well to do 'things that matter to me' things that count.

I was talking to a chiropractor friend when I was at the market and he was talking about

how he has been so focused on WORK. He said he really forgot to enhance his life

with exploratory enrichment. He said he has become committed to making time for that

expansive, enriching stuff by SCHEDULING IT IN. So, he won't be able to deny it for himself. That idea really resonated with me.

I did some exercise today. Lifted some weights and that's something I used to do a lot.

I may go to the gym in a little while. 

I guess it's all a mix... do whatever works for you. I just know for me I have to be extra careful about doing what's about my own caretaking/responsibility of my life rather than getting

lost in the moment.  I think it's a struggle we all have to work at to keep balanced about.

Propers to you guys!!