what the mind wants

I drove out to the the LACMA today (and it was fun) but two things I noticed today was that I need to 

really remember to ask myself what it is that I want at any given time so that I don't just demand things

of myself in a draconian, monolithic-type way. I was driving out there and I started to get nervous and invasive thoughts - as usual when I drive - but I remember to kind of back it up a little bit and grasp what it is I wanted - what would make me comfortable - and safe while driving. So, I did that- and it helped...

I got to the museum and there was so much to see. Really fun exciting works. The way the artist, whose show I saw, handled the paint was both layered and light- almost visually vibrating. Really cool. 

After looking a while I started to have invasive type thoughts - and so I realized I had to ask myself 'what's up?'

I was getting tired - taking so much in can be tiring after a while. So I saw a few more things and got on with my

way home.

I got home and ate, and shifting gears, I checked to see if my boss from the market had responded to my text this morning yet. She hadn't - She read it but didn't respond. So I decided to send another text.

She read it but didn't respond. It worried me - and has been growing as a worry in the sense that I wonder if I still have a job to go back to. Anyways, I think I should just spend some of this time thinking about and looking for other work.

It's been a good long run at the market - and if it's over it's upsetting for a few reasons: income, survival and how much work I have put into - and the fact that it's been nearly ten years there. Identity in a way too.

Anyways, I am going to be productive about this - try not to spend money too much and maybe look for other work

just to be proactive. 

I hope you guys are doing ok. Sending peace!! Here's a pic from the museum!