What the heck is this heaviness?
Oh! :( Why am I so awkward around people? Some how when I was a teen I just knew I would be alone in my adult life. My aloneness seems to be exaggerated since my daughter came. I do not know why. I do not understand this heaviness in my heart. Why do I feel like this? and why am I wanting to cut so bad? I wish I could cut but I don't want her to see it. why do I have to be so complecating? Well, I guess if I sleep on it I can work with my therapist tomorrow. I'm not feeling very strong right now. God.....Help!
Replies
Sometimes when we are in a lot of pain our heart feels as if it is carrying the world. I hope you continue to resist the desire to cut. I am sorry you are in so much pain. It is good you are going to see your t and she/he can help you through the pain. Hugs to you.
Sometimes I am real awkward around people too. Please know that the cutting can be overcome. I haven\'t done it in a long time and I used to cut bad. If you give in you will feed that addiction and make it stronger. Keep fighting. I hope your therapy appt. goes well.
there is risk in being with people. risk makes us panic. panic makes us want to self-harm. Maybe it\'s not the being alone that you are feeling, but the fear of being with your daughter right now. Not that anything has to have happened to cause that, but just the fear of .... whatever.... could be enough. It\'s ok to recognize the fear. It\'s also ok to reassure yourself that you are safe now and do not need to act on that fear. Take small steps and find something good in each moment. Hang in there. Grounding, breathing, loving yourself, acknowledging what needs it. sending healing thoughts.