What should I do?
So I am having a bit of a hard time deciding on something and want to ask anyone who's reading for advice.
So starting off with a bit of an explanation. A few years ago my cousin moved out of her old house (my dad is now currently living in it) and I helped clean it out. Their basement was just straight up a dirt floor I believe, pretty funky looking down there and I really liked it.
I found this small paper book that was wet dirty and falling apart. It was a Korean to English book only a couple pages but they said I could have it and didn't really care about it at all. Since then it has become a part of my collection.
I have a shelf in my room of random little trinkets, trash, old leaves and flowers and what not that I really love. Everything on that shelf means something to me including that book. I just have a connection to it and it feels special to my collection
So yesterday my cousin sent me a message asking if I still had the book and if she could have it. I genuinely didn't think she or anyone would really remember I had it because they didn't care at all when I asked to have it. I got kind of upset that she would even ask for it.
She has nice things I think her family is able to provide her with stuff she could easily get a Korean to English book if she wanted. I don't know why she wants it but it is special to me now. I told her she could have it if I could find it. I know exactly where it is so I kind of already lied but I'm not sure if I want to give it to her.
I feel like a jerk even asking this but should I lie and say I can't find it? I feel like I'd never be okay with that like it would always sit wrong within me that I lied to her. She's family I love her but I also have been jealous of her in the past and honestly sometimes still am a little bit. She always got lots of cool stuff and toys and even now she has a few cool expensive things. She just seems cooler than me and I don't want to give up something special to me for no good reason.
If I knew the reason she wanted it, it might help. Like if it was important or special for some reason (Though I believe they said they'd never even seen it before and were gonna throw it away as it was so gross) I should probably just explain to her why I don't want to give it up but I feel like that is mean still. It did come from her old house.
Idk just wondering if anyone could give me theur input on what they would do in my situation. Lie, just give it away, or simply say no.
Replies
Why lie? Sharing the truth with her could even grow into a bonding experience. Asking her why she is interested sounds like taking an interest in her interests, combined with revealing a new dimension of you. It also seems like that would be a great conversation to have before you decide anything.
I love language and the opportunity to talk about my dictionary/language book collection is so rare that I seize every opportunity to share. Who knows where the opportunity could lead. I've gotten some great study buddies from the sharing. Language studies make so much more sense when shared.
I haven't made any headway on my own Korean studies, but I love listening to it. It always makes me think of birdsong. Korea has been producing some top notch SciFi in recent years.
You are right arfie. I should just be honest with her and talk about it. I guess I am just scared I will sound like a jerk by saying I don't want to give it up. We are close but not like incredibly close so I don't talk about feelings a lot with her. So it might be weird but I will have to try.
Sharing can be a great thing to bring people together. I guess over the years my need to share has gone down a lot as I don't really see any one and no one ever asks me for things. I think I've become a bit greedy. Just done want to lose the things I have. I will have to learn better though as sharing is caring after all.
I don't have much of an interest in learning Korean but for some reason the little book still feels special to me.
There is no richer sharing than feelings. A willingness to share feelings, openly and honestly, doesn't have to equal a loss of things.
Has your need to share really gone down or has it *simply* been repressed by the rest of the psychic goo holding you hostage in your mother's home? After all my decades of psychotherapy, I still have a hard time distinguishing between loss and repression. Both make important qualities equally inaccessible.