What's up

I know I haven't done this in a long time but things here have gotten worse I gear men when I see them and now I'm sick and I couldn't talk for two days but now I'm getting better but I still can't make my self talk. And it a curd to me that maybe its not that I can't talk its that I don't want to. Ever since I told talking has gotten me into trouble Maybe using my voice has just gotten to painful. And no one seems to understand what I'm going through. To be honest I don't know if I'll ever get over this if I will ever trust men or even talk cause its painful and now I had a reason and I'm using that reason as to why I can't or won't talk.