What's Wrong With Me Anyways?
I'm tired. In every sense of the word.
I lie awake at night, and I wonder 'what happened to me, to my life?"
When I was a teenager I had big dreams, of big places. Of all the things I would see and do, of what I was capable of accomplishing.
Now I'm 23, with a daughter and a fiancee I wish I could get up the guts to leave most of the time.
I don't understand why I can't leave. Why I can't tell him adios and go find someone I know loves me and will treat me well?
He treats me like a joke. Just a giant joke. I do everything I can for him, and he doesn't say thankyou. If anything, he whines. Today he decided to vaccuum for the first time and proceeded to tell me that I put the cleaning things in a stupid place, the sock bag shouldn't be where it was, the central vac should go in a closet he deems appropriate, that over the month he has done nothing, I apparently havent done anything right.
He makes fun of me in public, in front of people, and then tells me I'm over reacting when I talk to him about how it makes me feel. He tells me that I take things to literally.
In the last three months he hasn't shown me affection once, unless he wan't sex. But he want's me to rub him when he's sore, and get him what he needs when he needs it. But my needs don't seem to matter anymore. It's all about him. All the time.
I cry almost everyday. And I find myself yelling at my six month old daughter to shut up when she cries! What sort of a mother does that! But I get barely any help with her. When I got pregnant we were both excited. Then she comes and he tells me he isn't sure if he's ready to be a father.
So when I ask him to get up with her in the middle of the night he yells and calls me a bad mother. If I ask him to bathe her he tells me to not be so lazy. When I ask him to change her he draws it out really long on purpose so i take over....it's not fair for her to sit in a poopy diaper.
Why can't I leave? I honestly doubt he loves me anymore.
But I make 600 a month on mat leave, that's not enough to pay rent, let alone buy all the things my daughter needs. I'm trapped. And I still love him! He treats me like a door mat, he humiliates me daily, he tells people I'm a bad mother, and I still love him....
What the hell is wrong with me!
I lie awake at night, and I wonder 'what happened to me, to my life?"
When I was a teenager I had big dreams, of big places. Of all the things I would see and do, of what I was capable of accomplishing.
Now I'm 23, with a daughter and a fiancee I wish I could get up the guts to leave most of the time.
I don't understand why I can't leave. Why I can't tell him adios and go find someone I know loves me and will treat me well?
He treats me like a joke. Just a giant joke. I do everything I can for him, and he doesn't say thankyou. If anything, he whines. Today he decided to vaccuum for the first time and proceeded to tell me that I put the cleaning things in a stupid place, the sock bag shouldn't be where it was, the central vac should go in a closet he deems appropriate, that over the month he has done nothing, I apparently havent done anything right.
He makes fun of me in public, in front of people, and then tells me I'm over reacting when I talk to him about how it makes me feel. He tells me that I take things to literally.
In the last three months he hasn't shown me affection once, unless he wan't sex. But he want's me to rub him when he's sore, and get him what he needs when he needs it. But my needs don't seem to matter anymore. It's all about him. All the time.
I cry almost everyday. And I find myself yelling at my six month old daughter to shut up when she cries! What sort of a mother does that! But I get barely any help with her. When I got pregnant we were both excited. Then she comes and he tells me he isn't sure if he's ready to be a father.
So when I ask him to get up with her in the middle of the night he yells and calls me a bad mother. If I ask him to bathe her he tells me to not be so lazy. When I ask him to change her he draws it out really long on purpose so i take over....it's not fair for her to sit in a poopy diaper.
Why can't I leave? I honestly doubt he loves me anymore.
But I make 600 a month on mat leave, that's not enough to pay rent, let alone buy all the things my daughter needs. I'm trapped. And I still love him! He treats me like a door mat, he humiliates me daily, he tells people I'm a bad mother, and I still love him....
What the hell is wrong with me!
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