What's going on?
I haven't done this in a LONG time!! I figure I need to get it out!
I have been going through so many downs lately that I can't focus on what is important anymore. I should be in the prime of my life! I'm married to a wonderful man who loves to have fun. We use to have fun no matter what we did and now, it's like pulling teeth to get me to have fun! I have to really push myself. Sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it completely drains me, more of the latter lately. I know this sounds like depression and it does cause some, but it's my body! I can't get rid of this "sleepy" state of mind. It hurts to do anything, especially on this new med, Fentanyl patch. It works somewhat but not as well as what I was taking. I can't blame the sleepiness on Fentanyl because that started before I switched. There is something else going on and this process of trying to get doctors to listen to me is taking its toll on me. I wish I could take a really really long nap and wake up feeling normal again. I need to go back to school and get a career. I love what I do now but my body is telling me otherwise. I can't focus enough to even write this. My memory is getting really bad and I just want to cry because of it. Being a bartender and forgetting that someone wants a Coke makes my job really difficult. I know it can't be from the season change because I absolutely LOVE fall. I tried to blame it on that but who am I kidding!!
I just want this to pass.
I have been going through so many downs lately that I can't focus on what is important anymore. I should be in the prime of my life! I'm married to a wonderful man who loves to have fun. We use to have fun no matter what we did and now, it's like pulling teeth to get me to have fun! I have to really push myself. Sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it completely drains me, more of the latter lately. I know this sounds like depression and it does cause some, but it's my body! I can't get rid of this "sleepy" state of mind. It hurts to do anything, especially on this new med, Fentanyl patch. It works somewhat but not as well as what I was taking. I can't blame the sleepiness on Fentanyl because that started before I switched. There is something else going on and this process of trying to get doctors to listen to me is taking its toll on me. I wish I could take a really really long nap and wake up feeling normal again. I need to go back to school and get a career. I love what I do now but my body is telling me otherwise. I can't focus enough to even write this. My memory is getting really bad and I just want to cry because of it. Being a bartender and forgetting that someone wants a Coke makes my job really difficult. I know it can't be from the season change because I absolutely LOVE fall. I tried to blame it on that but who am I kidding!!
I just want this to pass.
Replies
PHEW! Sounds like you need to do a lot more journaling, but in hand writing and write a lot. And keep reading what you are writing. Hopefully (it works for me) you will find your answers there. See if you can get through this spider web.
AS for memory loss!! Mine is so bad I keep having agrivating moments like sitting (those who dont know me im in a wheel chair) in Walmart crying trying to remember my social security number to cash my check, of course it came, but it is so hard. And I have tons of public situations like this. But oh well. I have it, deal with it.. Here\'s the thing that isnt fair though, I quit smoking 4 days ago, why cant I forget that I smoked? LOL!!!!!!
Take it easy Sweetie! Dont expect anything from yourself.
Peace and Love,
Allison
Hang in there... I been fighting with SS too; it takes your soul... rips it out, stands it in front of you, and forces you look... what you see can be depressing... or you can choose to pick out what you are grateful for and look past the rest for now, which is what keeps me sane (Try writing a gratuity list every morning for a week; I was put on this challenge for a week and the friend that suggested it was right!).... Phentenol did work for me, but I didn\'t notice it starting to \"cover\" the amount of pain I was having for about a month. I urge you to give it some time to build up in your system... If you have already done this and it is not working... maybe a stronger dose? The patch is safer than the pills in a sense that it does not reek havoc on your stomach. I pray for your relief... hang in there.
I know EXACTLY how you\'re feeling. But honestly I don\'t have any good advice as to how to get out of it. You just kinda have to ride it out. And when you don\'t want to, or feel like having fun, just try. Try and laugh, every day. It really is the best medicine. Tyler makes me laugh every day and it always makes me feel better.