What's been going on with me;Good and bad
It's been a long time since I wrote a journal. I've had some good things happening. I've been succesfully selling some of my things on E-bay and am so happy about it. It gives me something to do. I sell my handmade things and also go to yard sales, thrift stores, and flea markets and pick up things cheap; mostly depression glass and sell it. I've really good so far.
As far as my anxiety I have ups and downs. Certain times more down than up. And yesterday was one of those days. Franks daughter is coming for spring break which is wonderful. Yesterday Frank was resting up for the trip to get her and he needed me to go get some things for him. It was one of those days. I left and got close to the store and just felt like a panic attack was coming on so I turned around. I got home and he asked where the stuff was and I just told him that I'd had a pa and that's why I'd wanted him to go with me. I didn't burst through the door screaming, crying or yelling. I just told him. I'm used to it by now but apparently he's not. In a nutshell, he screamed at me. That's when I started crying. He began to say that he was going to cancel his duaghters visit because he couldn't have her here with me having panic attacks, that he was disapointed in me, etc. I told him to stop yelling and told him that he didn't have to cancel his daughters visit just because I had anxiety and didn't feel like going to the store. It passes. I told him I don't scream at him for taking insulin or when he gets pancreatitis. I told him I didn't do anything wrong. He said "That's just it. You didn't do anything! I was relying on you to get the stuff and you can't even do that!" He decided to leave early and left around 5 p.m lastnight. I had gone to lay down to stay away from him and he left. He called me on the road and texted me and told me he was a doo doo head. I'll admit he is sometimes. Now he's made me doubt myself. He acted like it was the biggest deal in the world! I didn't run down the road with a machete. I just had a panic attack and came home. He thinks that means I can't be around his daughter? It makes me feel worse. They'll be home late tonight. I've been cleaning, along with feeling bad and fighting off tears. If he doesn't understand my problem by now he never will. I didn't deserve to be screamed at. That's about all I feel like typing right now. My computer is acting up and I'm so glad I was able to get on DS today.
As far as my anxiety I have ups and downs. Certain times more down than up. And yesterday was one of those days. Franks daughter is coming for spring break which is wonderful. Yesterday Frank was resting up for the trip to get her and he needed me to go get some things for him. It was one of those days. I left and got close to the store and just felt like a panic attack was coming on so I turned around. I got home and he asked where the stuff was and I just told him that I'd had a pa and that's why I'd wanted him to go with me. I didn't burst through the door screaming, crying or yelling. I just told him. I'm used to it by now but apparently he's not. In a nutshell, he screamed at me. That's when I started crying. He began to say that he was going to cancel his duaghters visit because he couldn't have her here with me having panic attacks, that he was disapointed in me, etc. I told him to stop yelling and told him that he didn't have to cancel his daughters visit just because I had anxiety and didn't feel like going to the store. It passes. I told him I don't scream at him for taking insulin or when he gets pancreatitis. I told him I didn't do anything wrong. He said "That's just it. You didn't do anything! I was relying on you to get the stuff and you can't even do that!" He decided to leave early and left around 5 p.m lastnight. I had gone to lay down to stay away from him and he left. He called me on the road and texted me and told me he was a doo doo head. I'll admit he is sometimes. Now he's made me doubt myself. He acted like it was the biggest deal in the world! I didn't run down the road with a machete. I just had a panic attack and came home. He thinks that means I can't be around his daughter? It makes me feel worse. They'll be home late tonight. I've been cleaning, along with feeling bad and fighting off tears. If he doesn't understand my problem by now he never will. I didn't deserve to be screamed at. That's about all I feel like typing right now. My computer is acting up and I'm so glad I was able to get on DS today.
Replies
Do you have a disc for your OS? Backing up important files on your hard drive and reinstalling windows would have likely fixed your issues without the need for buying RAM.
He should understand that panic attacks can\'t be helped. Being blamed and/or getting yelled at for a panic disorder could make it more susceptible to happen over time.
I can understand that he\'s protective of his child and perhaps he felt a panic might traumatize her if she\'s a sensitive little girl. But the way he approached it shows he doesn\'t understand. Of course you didn\'t do anything! Like many other illnesses that\'s what happens at times.
It\'s so hard when people don\'t understand...
I hope that he will be more understanding and sympathetic very soon!
Big Hugs and Wishes for a Very Happy Easter from me xxx
Thank you both for your comments!