What remains when everything is stripped away.

Recently all of my beliefs, ideas and perspectives, even all of my intentions for the future were called into question. Being the skeptic that I am, they didn't stand a chance. In no time I had stripped myself of every reason to get up out of bed in the morning.

I noticed that this happened once I shared all of these things with someone else that I trusted enough. Things which I have never shared with anyone. Once I had done it, I began to question it all for fear of being a fool and the downward spiral began.

On one hand, do I really want to hold a set of beliefs, values and intentions that are based on dillusions? On the other hand, where do I find my reason to live?

And so I traveled from concept to concept, wieghing the evidence, examining the implications. Do I believe in God. Is enlightenement a big charade? Is something after death? Is global warming real? (<-joke) Have I been a big liability to those around me? Will I remain so? Am I inherently evil? Should I kill myself? Will I be able to? Is everything I know a lie? Is it all just a fiasco?

In that moment I realize someting very profound. I'm a dumbass! I know absolutely nothing. Not even enough to answer any one of these fundamental questions with absolute certainty. In that humility I realize the only way forward is to go on faith. My whole life has been a guessing game anyway. But I realize I have to pick something and take it as true and embrace it with 100% of my effort and being. I had to do this not of my own wisdom which after all this time on this Earth amounted to jack, but had put my faith in the widom of others who I percieved to be true and higher than myself. I had to trust in the words and instructions of others. Something I'm not used to doing.

There are so many models of reality you can construct for yourself. Some of the ones I've looked at are:

1. This is all a happy accident. It comes from absolutely nothing for absolutely no reason. We can't understand how that can be but thats just cos our intelligence is limited. It has no creator. There is no goal, no intention, no outcome. It will all one day go poof! There is nothing watching over you. You are just a thought inside a brain that will soon enough die. Whether you do or don't it makes no difference but neither do you really have a choice because it's already predetermined by physics.

2. Reality is absolutely infinite. This is due to the multiverse hypothesis. Every single conceivable thing is a reality. There's nothing more to say. Mind blown!

3. There is a God. Pick your form. Everything happens for the best. Remember this always.

4. You are God. Come to know this by knowing yourself. Through dedication, devotion and meditation you can realize the truth. Then all questions are answered.

5. Its all a confusing game. Just shut up, and spread love. It will make you feel better in no time.

So that is crude outline of what took place in my mind. At the end of it all, I settled on option 5 and it came down to number of votes, given how many times its being presented as the answer to life, the universe and everything (and no its not 42). It sounds too whimsical to be true: "love is the key", "love is all you need", etc. Its naive. Stupid even. But then again can I really rely on my mind given how badly its let me down. Not only has it failed me so often and so miserably. Not only has it been a great and arduous pain like a parasite in my retina. After all that effort, when it drops the ball, what is it that it suggest I do? Kill myself? Oh really? Yeh... thanks allot mind! Will definately pay more attention to you in future!

So forget enlightenment. Forget God (no offense God). Forget death, the universe, ghosts, aliens and all that shit. I see you. You see me. Maybe its an illusion but it sure feels real. And when this connection is tainted with love, it feels very real. It has its own meaning. You don't question your existence, or reality or God, or a parralell self in the multiverse. You just recieve it for its own sake. Love is its own justification. Its own creator, its own god, its own meaning.

All you have to do to tap into to it and recieve its nectar is to place yourself in someone else shoes. Just try it.