What is what
While sister Gabrielia convalesces I awake at 415a to get down to church asap 5(am)to set up the church. I like to be sure to get everything done with time to spare. All new wicks and oil. Then setting up the prosfero, hot water and holy water and antihero. The books and antimension too. I guess I’m writing this because I do get tired once service starts but then miraculously the service carries me along as I do it. I forget everything and am just ‘in flow.’ I don’t do a perfect job but I am learning more and more. To deal with vagaries that the others or I do, which is something I’m proud of, and then to figure out and get back on course.:)
I’m also realizing that we each are drawn to monasticism for different reasons. For the peace it brings and order might be one universal aspect. I am also realizing that we each have an ego and it’s just human nature. Realizing and seeing that we each deal with that gives me a sense of when there is an extreme or disorder but it also gives me a kind of acceptance and order too. Does that make sense?
I kind of know what is what.
Replies
I went out and had a snack at the local restaurant that I like. Uncle Matty’s. I’ve got to make a change about some things. My personal appearance is affecting me. It seems like there are so many other things too that need to be focused on that.get in the way of this effort. So I must look at this in a different way. I can’t compete with the person I used to be as a young man. I’ve heard that said before, that line. Maybe it’s coming true for me now too. I just need to take little beauties out of my life for myself, little pleasures and satisfactions... to stay motivated. What I mean by that is that I will just focus on the fact that everyone is allowed some beauty in their life and so that idea as an ‘in commonality’ is something to consider. It very well might be something that motivates me too. Otherwise, I have no mojo about this anymore, but I do want to look good and well. So I’ll try to incorporate a healthy attitude about myself and my looks and my ego and all that stuff lol I want to look good for Christmas so I’ll work on that. I think just i hope I can stay motivated. Here at the Monastery there’s not much allowance for personal feelings in vanity. I think that part of life here at the monastery has fueled the oppressive nature with which keeping the idea of vanity alive has manifested and so it hasdisappeared for me. But I will try to overcome it and do myself right by this.
The nuns are so horrible. I see that when I think of my own happiness or vanity I am open to the cutting nature of them and their attitudes here. They really go for it at full force in every communication. I’ve been protecting myself from this i get it now and my appearance has taken a back seat.
I used to alwsys be early and want things just so when I started work as well
I hated to be late...I'm actually still like that with any appts
I think you look great sweetie
I don't know what's bothering you about how you're looking but I think you're doing what's right by addressing it
I hope it will give you satisfaction Marky and I know you'll look great for Christmas!!
I'm sorry that the nun's aren't being friendly
These part's of communal living would be hard
Big squishy hug...xo
Thanks Janet!