what is the source? or, an assessment by Dr Reid

i need to know what the fuck is wrong with me. i need to know the source(s) of my thoughts, my beliefs, my behaviors. i'm not the type of person that can go "ok. this is what needs to change, don't matter how it started." i need to understand and make sense of my madness. i need it explained. there has GOT to be an explanation. without knowing the source, the why, i feel fckn lost. in therapy, i feel stuck, like we are only talking about the surface stuff. but i need somebody to help me dig deeper. heh, i may be watching too much Criminal Minds, but i need somebody to look at me and go (alá Dr Spencer Reid) "she's a white female, aged 35-40 who sees herself as all-seeking yet never finds what she's looking for. she's heavily guarded, perhaps because of her broken relationship with her mother. she always needs approval of others to feel real, yet she knows seeking approval from others will only lead to constant disappointment. so she represses that need, but to only push anyone away that wants to get close to her, therefore in the end she will both be alone, and still desiring approval, but no one is there to notice her."
why does that strike such a cord??? "..but no one is there to notice her." i feel like it's some kind of revelation, but idk what. a new piece of the puzzle, i suppose :)