What is the point of all this?

My life sucks without Smokey.  I was a very lucky lady.  Smokey and I discussed this a lot and thought it was time for me to quit my job in 2008.  Smokey died Nov. 15, 2009.  The timing, if there ever is a good time for someone to pass away, sucks.  I've been looking for a receptionist job but there is so much competition out here.  My girlfriend Carol is also looking for the same kind of job for the last three years.  She has started quite a few but hasn't lasted any longer than three months.  If I don't get something soon, I might loose the apartment and then I have no idea where I am going to live.  Even Carol is in the same boat as myself.  My brother Don is on disability pension but still needs a part-time job, he is looking.  He just found out that his apartment complex is fixing the outside and his share is $9,000.00.  Don does not have that kind of money either.  His place needs a total gutting out and starting again and he does not have that kind of money.  The three of us are so screwed.  We might end up loosing all our apartments.  Life sucks.  On top of that, I still am grieving for my loss of Smokey which is just over three months.  None of these situations are really good and they all suck.  The ugly thoughts that go through a person's brain are just take a gun to my head and shoot me.  What is the point of all these things?  I really and truly do not understand.  What is the point of all this?