WHAT IS NORMAL
I found this on a website for sandi.. I believe this is as normal as its going to be, like it or not......
"What is Normal after your child dies?Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Passover.Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.Normal is staring at every boy/girl who looks like he/she is our childs age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special our child loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.Normal is having some people afraid to mention our childs name.Normal is making sure that others remember him/her.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. NOTHING.Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because…"I know Taylor is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that Taylor is dead. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child.Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better."Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.And last of all...Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=232708953&blogId=506376233#ixzz11gKzXF00
"What is Normal after your child dies?Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Passover.Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.Normal is staring at every boy/girl who looks like he/she is our childs age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special our child loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.Normal is having some people afraid to mention our childs name.Normal is making sure that others remember him/her.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. NOTHING.Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because…"I know Taylor is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that Taylor is dead. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child.Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better."Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.And last of all...Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=232708953&blogId=506376233#ixzz11gKzXF00
Replies
So so true. I am so tired and fed up of having to tell everyone at work who offhandedly say \"How are you doing\" so cheerily that I\'m \"good\". What a load of garbage. But they really don\'t want to know how I feel. So I tried something different this morning at work when a co-worker asked \"How ya doing?\" I answered \"Not good but thanks for asking\". He proceeded to \"preach\" about how good life was that we wake up alive every morning still breathing with two feet to walk on. I told him \"Yes, that is true but when I wake up every morning, my son is still gone. Do you know how that feels?\". He looked at me in shock (he didn\'t know of Jared\'s death) and didn\'t acknowledge my presence the rest of the day. So I guess I\'ll just stick with \"I\'m good\". I pray that all is well at your end. Love and many hugs to you and Erica! Diane
Thank you... I am normal.
That is exactly how my normal is now and how I long for my old normal. Hugs Bev
Normal is forgetting oh so many things because he/she is always on your mind.
Thank you for sharing this.
Yep, this is now \"normal\". All of it, the whole stinking mess of it is normal.
Somebody has been there, done that, and truly knows. I have felt each and every one of these feelings/experiences and hate every single one of them!! Some of these times are rare but some are nearly every day. This \"new normal\" definitely stinks! Thank you so much for sharing this. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
I find myself within these words and wish that I didn\'t! I had the experience on the flight I was on recently where I was asked how many children I had? I couldn\'t go there and said \"one\" and then spent the rest of the flight apologizing to Douglas and telling him that I felt like such a horrible mom to have said that.:( Big sigh... I will be printing this off as it gives clarity and meaning to what often has felt so confusing for me. Thank you. With love to all of us who can relate to these words and are sorry that we do. XO Joanie
Kelly, no truer words have been spoken.....thanks for sharing. Hugs, Pat
Really late with any comment, but I loved this - so true!! Thanks for sharing with us, Kelly. Love and hugs, Beth
Well said. I hate this new normal, want the old normal back.
I really shouldn\'t have read this at work. I also cried all the way through. This is my normal.I will print this out and reread this many times because this is who i am now. Thank you for this. Sandi
I have read this before but I am grateful each time I read it... New things that are \"normal\" for me come to mind each time I read it... The first one is the most true... all our smiles can be replaced by tears in a heartbeat... its almost frightening how a seemingly happy moment can come crashing down as memories come flooding in... and that is part of our new normal... learning to accept the pain is now a part of us... Hugs Elissa Cara\'s Mom For Always
And normal is realizing you can\'t go thru it alone. I had to have help, so thank God for counselors and psychiatrists! Grief took over my life. xoxoxo