WHAT IS NORMAL
I found this on a website for sandi.. I believe this is as normal as its going to be, like it or not......
"What is Normal after your child dies?Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Passover.Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.Normal is staring at every boy/girl who looks like he/she is our childs age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special our child loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.Normal is having some people afraid to mention our childs name.Normal is making sure that others remember him/her.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. NOTHING.Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because…"I know Taylor is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that Taylor is dead. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child.Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better."Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.And last of all...Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=232708953&blogId=506376233#ixzz11gKzXF00
"What is Normal after your child dies?Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family's life.Normal is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, X-mas, Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th and Passover.Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.Normal is reliving the accident continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.Normal is staring at every boy/girl who looks like he/she is our childs age. And then thinking of the age he'd would be now. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.Normal is every happy event in your life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special our child loved. Thinking how he would love it, but how he is not here to enjoy it.Normal is having some people afraid to mention our childs name.Normal is making sure that others remember him/her.
Normal is after the funeral is over everyone else goes on with their lives, but we continue to grieve our loss forever.Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares. NOTHING.Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't compare.Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.Normal is taking pills, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child. Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have done this because…"I know Taylor is in "heaven," but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why a fantastic young man was taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense to this grieving mother.Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one child, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that Taylor is dead. And yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed the dead child.Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours and asking if there even is a God.Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss, not in a day nor a million years.Normal is having therapists agree with you that you will never "really" get over the pain and that there is nothing they can do to help you because they know only bringing back your child back from the dead could possibly make it "better."Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- ever.And last of all...Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=232708953&blogId=506376233#ixzz11gKzXF00
Replies
As I read this I cried the whole way through. It is EXACTLY how I feel and am going through each and every paragraph...If someone wants to know how we are all feeling, just give them a handout of this and tell them this says it all...
tears are streaming down my face.. some one \"gets it\" this is exactly how i feel, every moment of every day..
thank you for finding this and sharing it with all of us we we try to find our
\"normal\"
MaryLou
so sad...so true....but we have God and we have each other.....love you...dale, brandon\'s mom
this is so true, thanks for sharing.
Right on target. Thanks for sharing this, Susan
Obviously written by someone who knows and hard to read because it is so true.
I don\'t think anyone could have hit it more on the head as this. It exactly says how are lives are now and forever will be and that in itself is sad - for all of us. I should have waited until I was off work to read this but I didn\'t and I guess now I understand what I don\'t understand. Thank you so much for this - I am going to share it with my very close friends so maybe they will start to understand why they can\'t help me as much as they want to - maybe it will explain it to them what I can\'t explain or even comprehend yet myself. Love and hugs to you for sharing and to everyone else here!
Sandi - Chris\'s mom!!!!
And that is \"The rest of the story\".
Thank you for sharing, it really says it all. Hugs. Gay
That has said it all...that is our normal...how horrible that it is...like it says, I care not if the house is clean, or things get down, and I always feel the tears right behind I eyelids...thanks so much for posting that, at least we know we are \"normal\" just a whole different normal which I hate....Sandi..Ken\'s mom forever
I hate this normal ~ but every word of this entry is true. Thanks for sharing.
Love and hugs ~ Debbie
normal..right...even if I handed this to my family, they would not \"get it\",,and that is sad,,, thanks for sharing, I needed another good cry today..(hugs) Nora
My tears also fell the whole way through, very sad new normal. Hugs! Lynette ~ Matthews mom
Thank you for sharing this. It is so right on - I don\'t think I could have explained \"this normal\" so precisely. I cried as I read it because it is so true. I am going to save this and maybe I too, will share it with my closest friends when they ask how I am coping. I have panick attacks when meeting new people for fear they will ask if I have children...I answer yes but then have to explain our only child is now gone. Hugs, Laura....Rachel\'s Mom
Wow!! I thought that I was the only one that didnt want to have to go into details about how many children I have and then end up feeling like Ive betrayed my daughter. I just cannot stand to hear someone say that they know how I feel when they have not lost a child because they havent a clue. This is so true, thank you for sharing!!~Tracy
Amazing...how all this very sadly fits. Thank you so very much for sharing. Love, Mitchells mom