what I am doing today
I had a good day at work, got a lot done, though it was the shorter of all the days I am scheduled for.
I work 4 days at 4.5 hours and one day, Wednesday, I work 4 hours. I work the morning shift from 530a to 10a usually.
I get there early and usually clock in at 520a - the extra time helps me prepare the bakery a little earlier for the customers
that come in when the store opens at 6a.
It's very repetetive work, I mean it's a store so I know how to run things under my set of responsibilities.
It's weird. I come home like today - and the routine is such that I drop everything on my bed usually - eat a meal that's ready for me -
then return to my room and change, make my bed and put my work clothes away. I tend to come online and check messages and check out what's happening on DS.org and Facebook. Like I did today :).
I have to admit though - though I have this routine, a pattern of habit, it's hard to push myself to do something new. Is it laziness?
or fear? I think I just have to do it. If I give the idea of it too much power it will make the whole commital process and solitary knowing of what could go wrong with what I do a bad sounding board.
Anyways, so I am going to draw in my drawing diary.
After that, who knows? Maybe I will run around the neighborhood naked :) (just testing to see if anyone reads this!!haha)
Replies
just trying to sleep now...and 'the whole' process of going to sleep really makes me deal with
not having a focus. From upsetting thoughts to just restlessness - my body and mind seem to have
yearnings that I am nearly unconscious about until now. I am tried breath or focusing on my breath, I tried to allow me to think what "DO I WANT?" - and that helped or gave me somethings to think about- but then the idea of having a focus and not having a focus - really contextualized the problem. It's very much the transition to sleep - to having no focus - just like I do well but not always with the focus that work gives me, and then when off work, I need to deal with giving myself a focus to my day- and that doesn't always work so well. Mostly I have routine when it comes to delivering deliberate focus to my day - but I am seeing now, within the context of moments like these - that I can help myself...and must!