What have YOU learned from all of this?
What is the most important thing you have learned through your divorce process. What have you gained in knowledge about yourself. How will it help you with future relationships. I will start..... The very first thing I did when my X told me he didn't love me any more was look deep within myself to see what I had done in my marriage that contributed to it's downfall and I apologized to him for it. Because of this I have changed myself into the woman and wife I want to be and maybe should have been all along. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I take full blame, just owning up to my part. Because of this I will be a better wife.......just not his wife.
Replies
From Tea4
This is a really great question, and it has many answers. In the past 2 1/2 years, I have lost my mother to cancer, started a new job, have a daughter graduating, and am ending my marriage. My relationships with my sisters and my best friends have grown stronger because of all of these things, but my marriage has faltered and is dying. So, what have I learned? I have learned that things happen in this life that we cannot control, and that we need to reach out to others sometimes. I read once that if you never ask for help, you deny someone a blessing. ...I have learned that life isn\'t perfect, and that striving to make life, and myself, perfect is a waste of precious time. ...And I have learned that I am strong. I look back at periods in my life where I thought I was strong, and wasn\'t. The only thing that held my marriage together, for years, was my children and a state of depression and denial. I am no longer depressed and I am no longer in denial. Recognizing all of the above has set me free. Although there is pain and terrible anxiety sometimes, I am so much better than I was. I know there is much to be realized and much more to be learned, but I now have hope for the future. I have hopes of laughing again. I have hopes of finding love again. I have dreams for the future, instead of despair. I have found \"me\", and I have come to realize that I have worth as a person, above and beyond my worth as a wife or a mother. .....Chrissy, thanks for asking this question. It is so empowering to write these things down.
I have learned that i cant let anyone else define me. That I am my own person. That i dont need to be validated by a man or a relationship. That just because my marriage failed doesnt make me a failure. Ive learned that I have this huge well of strength that was before untapped. And that I am worth love and that I wont settle for less than I deserve which is what I was doing for thirteen years.
FROM J2W
THE most important thing I have learned is that actually \'living\' life is wonderful. I spent 20+ years just existing, a fixture with assigned duties and responsibilities...and the abuse....
I am now free!!!
I am going to have fun in this next chapter of my life. I am going on my first date this weekend since the divorce and I am gettin thinner, more spunky and I like this person I am becomming..... and really I get happier every day...
I also beleive that something wonderful is going to happen to me!!! Believe it...It will then happen...Great questions.....!!!
What have I learned? I have thought long and hard on this for many months. I believe I gave more of myself to the marriage than is healthy. He took advantage of that and wanted more with refusal to meet me 1/2 way. According to him, he was always right and I was the one at fault! I no longer believe this, nor will I allow myself to give so much that I lose myself. I have learned that I am a damn good person and I have so much to offer others and I work to make others\' lives better. That is who I am and why I am on earth. I have gone through emotional abuse with my family and the end of my marriage, but perhaps there was evidence of it throughout that I ignored. I will always have my eyes wide open! I have become a stronger person. I do find I still need to work on not apologizing for everything and worrying about saying the wrong things and constantly questioning myself. But, hopefully that will just come. I am full of love and I hope to love again!
Good question, Chrissy! Way to send everyone down a positive path!
I\'ll expand more on what I\'ve learned.
I\'ve learned that you can\'t make someone love you.
I\'ve learned that it takes 2 to save a marriage.
I\'ve learned that divorce won\'t kill you like you think it will.
I\'ve learned that everyone deserves to be happy, even the one who wants the divorce.
I\'ve learned that sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise.
I\'ve learned that my idea of a good husband wasn\'t anything like the husband I stayed with for 23 years.
I\'ve learned that life is too short and I\'m going to continue to love with my whole heart and soul no matter what the outcome....it\'s the only way I know how.
I\'ve learned that I am ok on my own.
I\'ve learned that the person sitting next to you may be going through a heartache and just a smile or kind gesture can help them in more ways than you know.
I\'ve learned that a compliment at just the right moment can change a person\'s day and maybe their life.
I\'ve learned that the change must come from within your heart and not just an idea in your head.
I\'ve learned that true forgiveness is not necessarily forgiving him but forgiving yourself.
I\'ve learned that no long term marriage can compete with infatuation and survive it.
I\'ve learned that people will choose sides and it hurts like hell when they do.
I\'ve learned to let these people go.
I\'ve learned to let the past anger and resentment towards my X go.
I\'ve learned that God and my children are my backbone.
Mostly I\'ve learned to see the blessings that surround me amongst all the heartache and pain.
so well said Chrissy you are such a strong woman and I have learned so much from you . I have learned that I need to let go of my anger towards my ex or it will destoy me. I have learned that my greatest blessing are my children and that I have a wonderful family and friends ( including those here on DS) that I would not be where I am ttoday and I have realized that I am much stronger than I gave myself credit for. I also know that when someone else comes into my live I will not let him take away my newly founded independence.,
The first thing is that however hard it was and dark the days, the hours felt, I just put one foot in front of the other and proceded with the Life-changing steps. And Im proud of myself for standing up as strongly as I did despite how pained I felt inside.
But the bigger changes for me have come from the opening of my heart which I believe I\'d closed to wall off grief. So now Im emotional, loving and empathic from a really feeling place--too much so at times, but I much prefer being this way than the cynical (and defensive) doubter of before. I feel Im more a whole man now, able to be emotional and humble, yet stronger and more confident for it. And Im expressing myself in ways, trying and learning things Id pushed back while consumed in marriage.
Yes, I miss many sweet things, yet I am now more \'myself\'\' than ever before, and have benefit of knowledge and experience of mistakes. Now, to my next Romance. Not fully ready--still letting go, still healing, but I\'m on the Road.
Thanks for the post