What have YOU learned from all of this?
What is the most important thing you have learned through your divorce process. What have you gained in knowledge about yourself. How will it help you with future relationships. I will start..... The very first thing I did when my X told me he didn't love me any more was look deep within myself to see what I had done in my marriage that contributed to it's downfall and I apologized to him for it. Because of this I have changed myself into the woman and wife I want to be and maybe should have been all along. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean I take full blame, just owning up to my part. Because of this I will be a better wife.......just not his wife.
Replies
I learned how strong I really am. A lot of this process has scared me (hell, everything has scared me), but I\'ve been amazed at how I\'ve been able to deal with the fear by praying, reaching out to friends and family, and just relying on myself.
I actually had the opposite experience... when my stbx said he was leaving- I mostly blamed myself, but now as I better understand how he has operated over the last 18 years (he has been diagnosed as a narcissist), I am actually not blaming myself anymore and learning to take care of myself versus putting all of my energy into him. I am getting to reclaim the woman I was before I met him. It has been very liberating, and I am hopeful (once I am through the grieving process) that I will be much happier and healthier. Best, Karen
I\'ve come to accept the concept that what you thought would be a life-long relationship can end at the drop of a hat. That maybe people in your life are there for a purpose at a given time; that chapters in your life change and I can change with them. I can accept and grow and live again!
I\'ve learned that I still have my dreams within me. I still have the interests and aspirations I had as a youngster. I also learned that my personal morals will see me through any trial. I chose to take the \"high road\" through my divorce regardless of what she did or said. I am proud of myself and how I have conducted myself throughout the process.
I\'ve also learned what true friends are. There were many whom I thought were friends, only to see them fall by the wayside after the divorce. It has been a truly freeing and uplifting experience for me.
Another thing I\'ve learned is that you\'re never too old to find love again, that soul mates DO exist! My ex has given me a gift. A gift of life again. A gift of love again. A gift that affirms my faith in myself and the morals and ideals instilled in me as a child!
That\'s basically the same thing I did. I am now a happier person, and I will be a damn good catch if I ever decide to marry again.
I learned that I don\'t need anyone....meaning that I m strong enough to stand on my own by MYSELF.... I had never done that...I let home a week before I got married, then was married for 30+ years......he benefit....is that the next wife will not brow beat me.....control everything in and for me....I can take care of me......thus a more sharing relationship.....equals....
Chrissy - I learned I could stand on my own two feet and just do fine. I learned I really am an awesome person and deserve a hell of a lot better than I had.
Lynne
Like most everyone else here I\'ve learned that I am much stronger than I ever imagined. I\'ve also learned that fairy tale endings are very rare and even those who are lucky enough to get them had to work damn hard for it.
I\'ve learned that I MUST learn to be more self-preserving. I tend to want to protect and defend and care for others too much. Usually the ones I choose to care for don\'t deserve it and abuse my trust and my love.
So, I haven\'t LEARNED the how yet! But, I\'ve at least learned the what I need to fix. And, now I want to do this WITHOUT becoming cynical, uncaring, suspicious and bitter.
I\'ve got a LOT of work ahead of me.
From Beatlefan
First and foremost I learned that I am strong. That I can now handle anything because short of losing a child there can be no greater pain or challenge. But I think that is the most obvious answer. I would imagine we are all finding out we are strong. The changes that are not so noticeable are the ones that take place in your heart and soul. I was changed not always for the better, I\'m now a bit more cynical, I no longer trust myself or others, I believe nothing that is said only the actions I see. On the up side, I too, took responsibility for all the mistakes I made during my marriage. I set out on a journey of discovering who I truly am and for me that meant going back to my childhood and getting rid of all the damage done from an abusive mother. I learned that I am a forgiving person, but only to a point. I\'ve learned that I have to make my own happiness, I am more confident than I have ever been (even though I still have insecurities) and I am proud of myself. Since the divorce I have gone to school, found a job, made new friends, bought my own home, and traveled. This is something I will never be totally over, but I know I will be okay and that I have a life still left to live. Sorry if I rambled... Good Question
I have learned that not everyone grows up. I have learned that it is not my fault that I didn\'t recognize the warning signs of an abusive, high functioning alcoholic & drug addict. I have forgiven myself for staying when I knew that I should have left. I have learned that I did not make him abusive. I did not make him an alcoholic. I did not make him a drug addict. I had no part in the destruction that he did to our family. Some search long and hard to find their part, I looked long and hard to know that I was not to blame for the harm he caused not only me but our two children.
I have learned that I am stronger WITHOUT him. I am a happy person WITHOUT him around. I can do this WITHOUT him. I have always depended on God for my strength but I am closer to God now than ever before. I am Happy and have weathered this storm.
I have learned how to stop and smell the roses...to be thankful for my amazing friends and family who have been an amazing support network for me...to appreciate and value my opinion....and that I am ok...just me is enough.
i\'ve learned i was stronger than i ever dreamed..i\'ve learned i deserve to be loved as much as i love..i\'ve learned who really is a friend and who is just baggage dragging me down
I\'ve learned that my stbx isn\'t the man I thought he was. I\'ve watched myself grow as a person and become even stronger than I thought I was.
I didn\'t LEARN this; I simply REMEMBERED IT:
\"Believe in YOURSELF. Trust your GUT. KEEP (or renew) your FAITH.\"
I already knew I was strong and I resented those well-meaning folks who kept saying \"What doesn\'t kill you will make you stronger.\" You can be strong and still be stupid (i.e., NOT self-aware).
Most of all, I learned that if I kept doing what I was doing (which was standing up for myself and refusing to give in) I would be victorious in the end and that SOMETHING WONDERFUL WOULD HAPPEN FOR ME. I was victorious and Something Wonderful most certainly did happen for me!
I learned that I had let myself become codependent to save a relationship. It happened so gradually that I didn\'t even realize it. To realize the truth of that was so shocking. And it is taking time to reverse those effects.
But I have learned I am a lot stronger than I thought, just like most of the comments here. I have learned that I have depth and kindness and graciousness and fun and tons of love and happiness and that life is good again! To learn that and get the gift of myself back was so worth this journey.