What happens at 1 year?

I can't lift myself out of this funk.  I couldn't stop thinking last night about the 1 year mark.  It seems everyone touches on it but I don't know what it means.  Am I done?  Does it magically get better?
I don't have the answers and it scares the hell out of me.  It scares me to the point of not being able to sleep.  I have an allergy issue right now and was taking 2 Benydryl at night and sleeping ok.  I stop for about 5 days and could not sleep more than a few hours at a time.  I have gone back on the Benydryl, at least a am getting some sleep.
I can't seem to focus either.  Doing the simplist task so so daughting.  I have gotten lost driving, which is so unlike me.  My memeory seems to be affected also. 
Right now I don't see it getting any better any time soon.  It is so frustrating this grieving thing.  I wish it came with an instruction manual.  I've even had well meaning people remark that they understood my sadness earlier but they don't get it now.  Well I don't either. 
I know it"s a roller coaster ride, but the ebbs and flows are hard to handle. 
Just when I think I feel better and make plans for something then I go into a panic and wonder why I thought I could do it. 
Hugs, Sandi