What doesn't kill you...
I'm the one that used to tell my friends to stick by their parents, to try and get alone, to try to have some sort of relationship with them even if it isn't the ideal one. So, now here I am telling them all, you were right.
I've written many times about the struggles with my dad. They go way back. But each time I'd forgive him and think there are so many other fathers's out there far worse than my dad. Now, I realize I was only saying what my mother told me. Yes, there are worse dads, but mine is a bad one. Why else would a dad turn on his daughter when she needed him most. Instead, he attacked me like a wolf towards a wounded animal. I was nearly destroyed in the process. It took prayer, my cousins, this group, and just getting attacked to many times for me to finally see the light.
The attacks where all verbal, things like, no wonder your husband didn't want to be around you. You're a terrible person. This wasn't even slightly true. My husband and I were inseparable until his passing. But who says's that to a recent widow? In fact, who says that to anyone?
Then there was the time he called my job and told my boss what a terrible person I was. That after I'd been taken to the hospital in an ambulance with a suspected stroke. And did I mention he told the same to all his relatives and then started on my mom's relatives.
The list goes on. I gave him over 40, 000 dollars(I'm in debt now), fixed his house, moved in with him to help him, and he said I did nothing for him.
I've spent my youth watching him beat my mom and threatening her with death if she tried to leave. I've been kidnapped by him(aged 5) and watched him put a gun to my grandmother's head(happened at the same time but I can't remember it.) and my mom's head. He's not mentally sound and I know that and part of the reason I kept forgiving him is that for thirty-five years he took medication to control his mental disorder and was normal. This happened during the time when he professed his devotion to Jesus and became a new creature. The bible tells us when you're reborn, old things are passed away and all things become new.
So, my dad was this normal, loving dad. He was there helping my mother when she became sick. He was there when my marriage broke up and I didn't know what to do.
It's like two people. So what happened? What changed him?
The medication he was taking was removed from the market and he thought he was healed. Now I'm all for the healing of our Lord, but God heals in different ways. Not every method is this earth-shattering parting of the Red Sea. Sometimes God just allows us to discover medication, or surgery. It's all from God so it doesn't matter.
It is said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So when did I reach the final straw? When did I become stronger? Two things happened. I again spoke to my dad about getting medication for his condition and he refused. And then last week my doctor told me that my right eye made need surgery. I've been battling blindness for the past 15 years so this is serious and I'm alone now. And my father's response--I don't have time for your problems, I've got my own problems. So, I said to him goodbye and haven't heard a word since. No call. Nothing. And this time I'm not calling him. I'm not calling him inspite of the fact that I'm worried about him. And that I love him. To me mental illness is like any other illness of the body. You look for answers. You try to fix it if there's something out there that can fix it.
I have an illness of the eyes. Now I can sit here and let it go and end up blind. Or I can say, I've got an illness of the eye and there's something out there to fix it. And I'm going to go find whatever it is and do the best I can with it. I'm not going to sit here and go blind, then expect my family to drop everything to care for me.
And the same goes for mental illness. So you have one. Then thank God that there are treatments available for you and get help and live a normal life. Or as normal as possible.
Back to what my dad said: I couldn't have said that to the most hated person in the world. It's cruel. It's ill-mannered. It's not polite. It's inhuman. And he calls himself a Christian. So, this is me walking away. Because I'm strong enough to do it now.
I've written many times about the struggles with my dad. They go way back. But each time I'd forgive him and think there are so many other fathers's out there far worse than my dad. Now, I realize I was only saying what my mother told me. Yes, there are worse dads, but mine is a bad one. Why else would a dad turn on his daughter when she needed him most. Instead, he attacked me like a wolf towards a wounded animal. I was nearly destroyed in the process. It took prayer, my cousins, this group, and just getting attacked to many times for me to finally see the light.
The attacks where all verbal, things like, no wonder your husband didn't want to be around you. You're a terrible person. This wasn't even slightly true. My husband and I were inseparable until his passing. But who says's that to a recent widow? In fact, who says that to anyone?
Then there was the time he called my job and told my boss what a terrible person I was. That after I'd been taken to the hospital in an ambulance with a suspected stroke. And did I mention he told the same to all his relatives and then started on my mom's relatives.
The list goes on. I gave him over 40, 000 dollars(I'm in debt now), fixed his house, moved in with him to help him, and he said I did nothing for him.
I've spent my youth watching him beat my mom and threatening her with death if she tried to leave. I've been kidnapped by him(aged 5) and watched him put a gun to my grandmother's head(happened at the same time but I can't remember it.) and my mom's head. He's not mentally sound and I know that and part of the reason I kept forgiving him is that for thirty-five years he took medication to control his mental disorder and was normal. This happened during the time when he professed his devotion to Jesus and became a new creature. The bible tells us when you're reborn, old things are passed away and all things become new.
So, my dad was this normal, loving dad. He was there helping my mother when she became sick. He was there when my marriage broke up and I didn't know what to do.
It's like two people. So what happened? What changed him?
The medication he was taking was removed from the market and he thought he was healed. Now I'm all for the healing of our Lord, but God heals in different ways. Not every method is this earth-shattering parting of the Red Sea. Sometimes God just allows us to discover medication, or surgery. It's all from God so it doesn't matter.
It is said that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So when did I reach the final straw? When did I become stronger? Two things happened. I again spoke to my dad about getting medication for his condition and he refused. And then last week my doctor told me that my right eye made need surgery. I've been battling blindness for the past 15 years so this is serious and I'm alone now. And my father's response--I don't have time for your problems, I've got my own problems. So, I said to him goodbye and haven't heard a word since. No call. Nothing. And this time I'm not calling him. I'm not calling him inspite of the fact that I'm worried about him. And that I love him. To me mental illness is like any other illness of the body. You look for answers. You try to fix it if there's something out there that can fix it.
I have an illness of the eyes. Now I can sit here and let it go and end up blind. Or I can say, I've got an illness of the eye and there's something out there to fix it. And I'm going to go find whatever it is and do the best I can with it. I'm not going to sit here and go blind, then expect my family to drop everything to care for me.
And the same goes for mental illness. So you have one. Then thank God that there are treatments available for you and get help and live a normal life. Or as normal as possible.
Back to what my dad said: I couldn't have said that to the most hated person in the world. It's cruel. It's ill-mannered. It's not polite. It's inhuman. And he calls himself a Christian. So, this is me walking away. Because I'm strong enough to do it now.
Replies
Good for you. Not everyone who professes to be a christian is one like your dad. There is an inward change. If there is no change, what they say is not true. Mental Illness: I have been battling that in other people all my life.
My ex-Gary: bi polar
My oldest brother: Asperger\'s Syndrome
A few people from my past: bipolar or schizophrenic (don\'t no the spelling on this one)
A few old school chums: bipolar or schizophrenic (I don\'t know the correct spelling on this one)
Yes I know mental illness. Also, It runs in my mom\'s family a few generations ago as well.
All the best and continue being strong. Your dad and his mental illness is a survivor. You are as well or you beat the odds or whatever you want to say but in a positive way.
From Diane B.
Not sure what to say, congratulations, my sympathy or I\'m sorry....at any rate, first and foremost take care of yourself...! as no one else will. I am so sorry that you have been put in this position by your father, his making you choose to be his door mat or remove yourself and worry about you and only you. It\'s hard to come to the realization that there is nothing you can do for him, no matter what you do for him it will never be enough, good enough or what ever.....I\'m proud of you, you\'ve had to make a tough decision but stick to it and try to only worry about yourself and take care of yourself....hugs, Sandi