What does the future hold, and when can I get on?
I am trying to write everyday, though I do not know if I will be able to or for how long I will be able or need to.
I have never worried much for the future before. Now I don't know what my future will be and so I am worrying too much, But I don't even know what to worry about so I just have anxiety which is effecting my health. Mainly it is just lack of sleep, a reduced appetite and what I think is heartburn.
I have always thought I would be able to provide the minimal I needed to live and be happy on what I thought I would be inheriting from my parents. It wouldn't be much maybe enough to have ~$1500 a month for as long as I should live. Barrign any emergencies or large unknown expenditures I can easily get by on this amount. For the last 12* years I have been living on ~$800 a month and I have not felt deprived. I have had what I consider all the luxuries of western lifestyle: Cable TV, internet connection, maintaining my own car, not going hungry and paying my rent, phone and Power bills. I've even had enough to still pay for my dental needs, eye glasses and other medical that have arisen and other miscellaneous needs. It has been enough and I have been happy.
but now that my parents have reached the point in life where they are needing assisted care until they die and their savings and property may be completely used before that happens and I am caught in the middle not knowing where I am to be or what I am to do and so can't even manage my own life, I am feeling the stress, worry and anxiety of the situation.
the worries for my future are the amallest part of this though they add to it, it is the not knowing and being in a state where I have no control over it that causes the anxiety. am I selfish? I don't think so, I don't think that my parents money is in anyway mine as my brother seems to think. I don't want to keep them form spending whatever they want to make their lives comfortable. My brother doesn't want to have them in any facility or under any care that cost anything, He wants to have me and him take care of them. I don't know how to take care of anyone but myself. The most I can do is disrupt my own life causing me anxiety and being in the same place as them to see that my father doesn't wander off and takes his meds. I have no idea how to take care of a bed ridden invalid that my mother may be. And to be honest I think I am smarter and more capable than my brother so I don't know why he thinks he can do it either.
This situation is intolerable and I have tried to get my mother, while she is still capable to and not lost her ability to make decisions to do it for herself because if she leaves it to my brother (who is older than me and so it would fall to) to make the decisions then he would only be thinking of the money and not what is best for my parents and would destroy all of our lives.
In this mix is my sister, an adult with the mental ability of a 10 year old, who is going along for the ride. I dont know what will happen for her. The sadness I see in her and the confusion of what is happening to her parents is tearing her up. Also she is frightened by my brother and doesn't trust him or like him that much because of his bullying, anger and general bad attitude. He is inconsiderate and selfish and is always arguing about things that we would just take in stride. He treats my sister as if she is completely incapable of anything but I know and have seen as well as helped her to realize that she can do much more for herself than the rest of the family has allowed. At the level of a 10 year old, even a real child can do a lot of things. I dont expect her to have an adults maturity but she can do the laundry and cook things in a microwave, etc...
I have never worried much for the future before. Now I don't know what my future will be and so I am worrying too much, But I don't even know what to worry about so I just have anxiety which is effecting my health. Mainly it is just lack of sleep, a reduced appetite and what I think is heartburn.
I have always thought I would be able to provide the minimal I needed to live and be happy on what I thought I would be inheriting from my parents. It wouldn't be much maybe enough to have ~$1500 a month for as long as I should live. Barrign any emergencies or large unknown expenditures I can easily get by on this amount. For the last 12* years I have been living on ~$800 a month and I have not felt deprived. I have had what I consider all the luxuries of western lifestyle: Cable TV, internet connection, maintaining my own car, not going hungry and paying my rent, phone and Power bills. I've even had enough to still pay for my dental needs, eye glasses and other medical that have arisen and other miscellaneous needs. It has been enough and I have been happy.
but now that my parents have reached the point in life where they are needing assisted care until they die and their savings and property may be completely used before that happens and I am caught in the middle not knowing where I am to be or what I am to do and so can't even manage my own life, I am feeling the stress, worry and anxiety of the situation.
the worries for my future are the amallest part of this though they add to it, it is the not knowing and being in a state where I have no control over it that causes the anxiety. am I selfish? I don't think so, I don't think that my parents money is in anyway mine as my brother seems to think. I don't want to keep them form spending whatever they want to make their lives comfortable. My brother doesn't want to have them in any facility or under any care that cost anything, He wants to have me and him take care of them. I don't know how to take care of anyone but myself. The most I can do is disrupt my own life causing me anxiety and being in the same place as them to see that my father doesn't wander off and takes his meds. I have no idea how to take care of a bed ridden invalid that my mother may be. And to be honest I think I am smarter and more capable than my brother so I don't know why he thinks he can do it either.
This situation is intolerable and I have tried to get my mother, while she is still capable to and not lost her ability to make decisions to do it for herself because if she leaves it to my brother (who is older than me and so it would fall to) to make the decisions then he would only be thinking of the money and not what is best for my parents and would destroy all of our lives.
In this mix is my sister, an adult with the mental ability of a 10 year old, who is going along for the ride. I dont know what will happen for her. The sadness I see in her and the confusion of what is happening to her parents is tearing her up. Also she is frightened by my brother and doesn't trust him or like him that much because of his bullying, anger and general bad attitude. He is inconsiderate and selfish and is always arguing about things that we would just take in stride. He treats my sister as if she is completely incapable of anything but I know and have seen as well as helped her to realize that she can do much more for herself than the rest of the family has allowed. At the level of a 10 year old, even a real child can do a lot of things. I dont expect her to have an adults maturity but she can do the laundry and cook things in a microwave, etc...
Replies