What does it mean..
So I've been trying to come to terms with my situation. I know I had my hand in the relationship and in how it turned out. I put up with stuff too long and some stuff I should never have dealt with in the first place. I am petty sure he narcissist personality disorder (NPD) and his unwillingness to look at himself for his part in this doesn't help. Along with emotional/mental/verbal abuse I know its a bad situation all around and I shouldnt want to go back to.
What I am struggling with is what I do now. I have my two kids and even tho I know I need to push forward for them I struggle with the why. I could send them to their dads (not the ex) and they would be just fine. He's remarried and has a baby on the way. A good career and his parents have money. His new wife is a teacher and so i know they would be just fine. As for me Ive never had dreams of things I wanted to be or do. Sure I have a bucket list but that's it. I should go to school but not for sure what for and that irritates the crap out of me. I found a massage school in Hawaii that I got really excited about for some reason but I know money wise I can't afford to go. I feel kind l lost and unsure what path to take and have been asking for some guidance in which path to choose. You can only pray and think so much. The last few days have been the worst I believe partly since my kids are gone for the summer so they are not here to keep me busy I have too much time on my hands so of course my mind starts wondering. I read when I can and try to keep looking up stuff on the internet to keep myself sure and not so much doubting anything but it's hard.
What I am struggling with is what I do now. I have my two kids and even tho I know I need to push forward for them I struggle with the why. I could send them to their dads (not the ex) and they would be just fine. He's remarried and has a baby on the way. A good career and his parents have money. His new wife is a teacher and so i know they would be just fine. As for me Ive never had dreams of things I wanted to be or do. Sure I have a bucket list but that's it. I should go to school but not for sure what for and that irritates the crap out of me. I found a massage school in Hawaii that I got really excited about for some reason but I know money wise I can't afford to go. I feel kind l lost and unsure what path to take and have been asking for some guidance in which path to choose. You can only pray and think so much. The last few days have been the worst I believe partly since my kids are gone for the summer so they are not here to keep me busy I have too much time on my hands so of course my mind starts wondering. I read when I can and try to keep looking up stuff on the internet to keep myself sure and not so much doubting anything but it's hard.
Replies
Maybe you can use the time this summer to figure out what you want, and put some in your life. They throw you for a loop, and you have to stop spinning, so maybe this summer would be a good time, with time to yourself. The thing is to try to find what you are passionate about, and then if you are lucky, find a way to make a living at that passion. Or if not, just a job, and live your passion in your free time.
I think if you gave your kids to your ex-h, you would regret it...
You\'ll find your way.
big hugs...
hockey---yes I think this summer is going to be a play as I go. I just took off today on the road to visit friends. My kids won\'t be back til August so I am going to try to have some me time and have some fun. Thanks for the input. As for my ex he had already offered to take them for a year but I didn\'t agree. Just seems reasonable but at the same time they are what keeps me pushing. Hard times is all. Thanks again :)