what do you do when someone tries to make you feel small?
thanks for letting me write this here. One of the high ranking nuns - ok
the former abbess
and another priest
had an attitude with me this morning at service for
some reason. It just made me feel insecure - like my world was
based on a fragile hand of cards and I was of little consequence.
I am glad I came back to my room - though they asked me to stay and have coffee
with them - I know this may be just about how I was receiving things today - but
another lady - a regular at our church - today - also made me feel unkindly receive since I didn't
go into an indepth conversation with her - but instead had to go speak to a priest..
I just felt like so many things were telling me I was walking amongst those who were
trying to tell me who I was but I knew I couldn't listen to that though it rattled me for sure.
I came back to my room and hung out with Blue, the radio on and popped open a can
of diet coke. I saw this tiktok on Buddhism that helped me reframe things - and just spending
time alone really helped me recapture a sense of my own interests and a sense of self.
I realize we all have to deal with things like this - who is right? perhaps there's no right
but the tribe we come back to help us feel and create the sense of normality - and reality
that we live in...? They just didn't feel like my peeps this morning. I'm grateful
for being back here with you guys - and the reminders of Blue, and my family and friends
sustain and support me!
Replies
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZThUYS6Dm/
I've gotta admit that at times life can seem like Mark "contra mundi" - but maybe a little bit of that is
a motivator. My family and friends and Blue keep me going - as does a good amount of self talk.
I am a social animal and I believe as a race we need to find solutions that will save the world we live
in both ecologically and socially. I just don't know which of us is going to lead that fight - perhaps
in this case - as I have read before - that we each need to take our own steps towards that.
An individual can make a difference - it would be nice if we had a good 'world system' that did that though.
maybe if I want to feel more valuable here or at least with more agency is that I should probably beef up my skillset.
It will help me feel a greater sense of ownership and resiliency should any thing change for my status here, as in,
I could always go somewhere else! :)
Sometimes, when we share our perspective, it hits someone else's 'trigger' and that's not our problem. It's theirs.
Taking the 'keep on, keeping on" for your own well-being first in these situations, letting them speak their piece without being 'emotionally responsive' will help you keep on track for your healing.
There's a lot of questions and concerns in this particular situation that afffect the group as a whole, each individual as a whole, and separation of ways in resolving the issues of everything.
Here's to you, knowing you can move on, if and when it becomes a safer choice for your own well-being.
Thanks Mid!
I started to feel like I needed to ‘partake in life’ to feel a bit happier. I came out to the Dunkin’ (a treat I can afford! lol)
So, I’m sitting here with large coffee remembering times when friends and family have also talked about needing a pick me up! Heh
And now back at home and keeping on keeping on, thanks Mid!, but i definitely want to partake in life some more and I’ll find ways of getting that!
Treating yourself to Dunkin' is an excellent way to do self care and enjoying life!
I agree with Mud, self care should be top priority
thanks MID aned MEL!!
Mark, I know that “made small” feeling, can rattle you even when you know you shouldn’t listen to it. But I’m honestly moved by what you did with it. You didn’t argue. You didn’t spiral. You didn’t stay and “perform” at coffee just to prove your worth. You went back to your room, found quiet, hung out with Blue, let your nervous system settle, and you reframed what happened instead of letting it define you. That is strength. That is agency. That is growth.
Sometimes people’s tone or attitude is more about their stress, their triggers, their inner weather and we just happen to be standing under the cloud when it passes. It still stings, but you didn’t accept the identity they were trying to hand you. You recognized: “They’re trying to tell me who I am, but I don’t have to listen.” That’s a big moment.
And I love what you said about “tribe.” Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is return to the people and reminders that bring us back to normality and truth, and for you that includes Blue, your family and friends, and the kind of self-talk that steadies you. That’s wisdom. It’s choosing your anchor instead of being tossed around by someone else’s tide. It reminded me of what we’ve been working on in the Facebook lessons, choosing peace, not taking the bait, and letting others have their reactions without making them our identity. That’s basically today’s Gentle Path homework over on Facebook.
Also… Dunkin’ as a “pick me up” made me smile. That’s real-life self-care. A little treat, a little space, a little “partaking in life” is sometimes exactly what the spirit needs to remember it’s still alive and still loved. So if you ask me what to do when someone tries to make you feel small: You did it! Step back. Don’t argue with the projection. Don’t accept the assignment. Return to the truth you know. Let peace be your evidence.
Keep on keeping on, brother. You’re building something strong, even on days that try to convince you otherwise....hugs
Thanks Bob!! You are amazing!!!!
<3<3<3
And honestly, you did the hard part today: you chose peace and came back to yourself. Keep on keeping on!
Thanks Bob!!