What do you do
If I'm honest with myself, knowing that I am at the helm of what I do when my mood goes south, it's pretty eye opening to know that I do have certain things I do unconsciously as a way to deal with myself and my free time. My mind tends to go for food and sex. Denying that has lead to me masochistically drilling down on shoulds and rules. Like others know what's right, and I seek their truth..the truth, when indeed I will do what's right for me all things considered. It's wonderful and essential to communicate about things but I also must give myself the power of awareness and choice to know that in fact I am choosing a solution even when it seems like I don't know what to do. That idea kicks up my cognition a lot to question objectively what I'm doing in the context of the group. It's part of good health.
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Quite frankly asserting my individual sometimes can be so painful. Perhaps it’s due to my vulnerability as well as surmounting my own aggression and
Inner self critic. But learning self compassion and love is important too.
I think learning self compassion is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves sweetie
We are often so critical of ourselves.....xo
thanks Janet. I just came from "Small Compline" - it is the short service after the meal.
I have to be honest that it is my LEAST favorite service. I get so relaxed and in a happy
state of mind during out meal - and then to go have to conduct service and pray
is so - I don't know how to say it - a direct opposite to how I'm feeling -
it overwhelms me and makes give up all the strength I had. I just
don't like how I handle it most times - especially tonight - but it is
something to 'get over' and if there's any idea from it is that we can't always
feel happy about how I handle things or feel that I am special. Eh - sorry
I just want to regroup now. Wish I could watch Gordon Ramsey and join you and Dan
for a tipple.
Stay encouraged, Mark. You are already becoming the kind of priest the world needs: one who is human, humble, and honest about the journey.......hugs
Thanks Bob!! Much appreciated
I wish you could to sweetie...
I don't tipple but you could join Dan...lol
Thanks!
in my current phase of questioning, i am wondering if self awareness is easier to live when i let it live beyond words. why do i do the weird things i do? how do i make the transition from my happy time here on the farm to the social anxiety of a school function for the kiddos without embarrassing the kiddos? do i really have to clean up that paint mess the six year old left on my antique table?
when i can resist shoulding around and trust my self-awareness (by whatever name), the understanding flows smoother without the words for ^it^. more and more, the most important parts of life live beyond words.
just questioning. . .
pass the popcorn. . .
side note
that antique table will need refinishing to clean up that paint mess. for now, i'm calling it, "art deco."
hehe 'art deco' very cute!
yeah I think arfie it's important to be who we are and yet also I think
for a child who grew up watching so much television - I think
i idealize crud - I'll just hope for the best. I don't like 'seeing myself
as awkward or overbearing with emotion'- like i feel right now - I'd like to feel strong
and proud of myself and my mind - but sometimes - like right now -
I am real tired and when I am tired my mind spins creative to my detriment sometimes...a lot of the times.
The result is weariness and emotional dependency. It's all good though - writing this out is helping me
see what is real in me and what I need to do and what I need to remember - and yet despite it being not something I want to confess
about - I think it's just a good thing to accept and move on with the rest of the day. -
I might have my own positive but unrealistic imageworks within me
that need a good shake up.
I'd like to follow through with being self responsible and then feel the satisfaction and reward
for taking good care - but sometimes it's not so possible for me - and maybe the best thing
healthwise is to realize 'interdependency' :)
This is something that I should apply in confessions. For a lot of the parishioners mistakes are a big source of anxiety and likewise when things don’t turn out as they had hoped (or like) this too is something they linger over. I’ll validate that with them but also I’ll try and help normalize it to support their own acceptance and ability to move on.
on my bestest days, i am still guaranteed to fall short of my own ideals and equally prone to make some bone-headed faux pas that offends somebody in our over-civilized world.
a mantra which has been helping me move on without the self-flagellation and shoulding around is, "it is what you do next that counts."
keep your eye on the prize.
Thanks Arfie!!