What do I do? I don't want to be here anymore.
I sometimes wish there was someone on here that knew me personally and could offer some help in these times where I am so confused and just want support. I keep thinking now about the time that I was in the hospital, well the four times and during those time no one called me. Not one person called to see if I was alright of if they could help in anyway. Recently when Rachael made a comment about suicide everything broke loose and everyone was confused as to what to do, and they were all frantic about the situation. But, when Katie was not feeling well in New York I sent her some wine and stuff also Neida, when she was going through shit with her boyfriend I sent her chocolates, and still no one calls me no one supports me. I am alone and stuck. My dad keeps calling me fat and tells me that I need to go on a diet, but he keeps taking me out for meals and liquor so that doesn't help the situation and neither do the drugs that I take. I should really print out the list of side effect and show him about weight gain and retention. I am so tired to go to the gym. Thankfully they are open 24 hours so I can go anytime I feel like it. There is an Italian festival today and I think dad and I are going and then maybe after that Ill go to the gym.
I am having more suicidal thoughts than recently usual. I haven't met my new doctor and I don't know how she will judge my suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be committed or put on a hold. I guess I just need some advice from a professional before I take action on something that may be a mistake. I simply think about my family, I don't want them to be burdened with stress of the loss of a son and a brother. But I cant take this pain anymore. It makes me so mad inside I want to yell at dad and tell him not to talk to me anymore about my weight, it is my issue not his he has nothing to worry about.
I want that too. I want someone to stay with me and tell me that there is nothing to worry about. I want to feel comforted and safe. I don't want to worry about the world, I don't want to be a part of the world. I don't want to do this anymore. I am going to take a xanax and try to not worry about the situation at all. I need to figure something out.
I am having more suicidal thoughts than recently usual. I haven't met my new doctor and I don't know how she will judge my suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be committed or put on a hold. I guess I just need some advice from a professional before I take action on something that may be a mistake. I simply think about my family, I don't want them to be burdened with stress of the loss of a son and a brother. But I cant take this pain anymore. It makes me so mad inside I want to yell at dad and tell him not to talk to me anymore about my weight, it is my issue not his he has nothing to worry about.
I want that too. I want someone to stay with me and tell me that there is nothing to worry about. I want to feel comforted and safe. I don't want to worry about the world, I don't want to be a part of the world. I don't want to do this anymore. I am going to take a xanax and try to not worry about the situation at all. I need to figure something out.
Replies
Believe me im sure everyone in this world would at one point or another would like to forget the world. ANd on the issue of weight, wieght is just a number, it doesnt make you who you are or what you are. If your happy how you are then, it shouldnt matter what anyone else things or say about you. Your self happiness is all that matters.. If your not happy with something, then only you can change it, or make it better, or make it more acceptable to what you expect of yourself.
Im sure people care about you and think about you. Just bc they dont say it doesnt mean thats not the case. Friends can be a fickle thing to try and figure out. All you can do in that situation is either talk to them about how you feel, or just do everything you can do to make yourself happy. Bc happiness has to start within the induvidual first.
Ive talked to you on more than one occiasion, your a very smart guy, and you seem like your a pretty good guy. Things can only get as worse as you allow things to. Once you find out what makes you happy or something that will make yourself happy, things will start to get alot easier, and better. And things that normally make you depressed or upset, you wont think twice about. But believe me self happniess sometimes is alot easier said than done, but its in everyone, you just have to find what you like and set a goal for that, and as soon as you accomplish it make another goal.
Like i said in the past, if you ever need anyone to talk to im always here to listen. Your also on my facebook, so just send me a message.
Talk to you soon :)