What Dad Didn't Say
It's a rhetorical question, but why is life so difficult?. Case in point--my father. Here's a man who lived his life selfishly, making others suffer in his wake. Yet, here I am there for him when every friend and some relatives have told me that they would have walked away long ago.
Was I wrong to stay? Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes no, because if I'd walked when he was in his 50s I could have done so with a clear conscious. Back then he was healthy, working, doing his own thing. In fact, he pretty much lived that way until eight years ago when his girlfriend packed up and left. That was followed by the death of various loved ones who'd been close to him. Suddenly I found myself with a broken man, eager to lash out at anyone close.
A thousand times I've said it's dementia? What other reason would a man suddenly start treating his daughter like dirt? Why would he seemingly set his sites on destroying his only child? His only source of support? Makes no sense. In the past, he ignored me, going after others instead. I mean, we would argue, but not like now. Then eight years ago...and his bitterness and hatred for me started, especially after my husband passed away. I've had my doubts that it's dementia more than a few times because if it is dementia and it started about eight years ago, shouldn't it have progressed?
I'm thinking my favorite movie, Now Voyager where dowdy Bette Davis has a nervous breakdown all because of her controlling mother. Whenever she started to talk back and stand up for herself, old Ma would pretend to have a heart attack and end up with her daughter just where she wanted her.
Poor old daughter ended up fat and alone. And so am I.
Was I wrong to stay? Sometimes I say yes. Sometimes no, because if I'd walked when he was in his 50s I could have done so with a clear conscious. Back then he was healthy, working, doing his own thing. In fact, he pretty much lived that way until eight years ago when his girlfriend packed up and left. That was followed by the death of various loved ones who'd been close to him. Suddenly I found myself with a broken man, eager to lash out at anyone close.
A thousand times I've said it's dementia? What other reason would a man suddenly start treating his daughter like dirt? Why would he seemingly set his sites on destroying his only child? His only source of support? Makes no sense. In the past, he ignored me, going after others instead. I mean, we would argue, but not like now. Then eight years ago...and his bitterness and hatred for me started, especially after my husband passed away. I've had my doubts that it's dementia more than a few times because if it is dementia and it started about eight years ago, shouldn't it have progressed?
I'm thinking my favorite movie, Now Voyager where dowdy Bette Davis has a nervous breakdown all because of her controlling mother. Whenever she started to talk back and stand up for herself, old Ma would pretend to have a heart attack and end up with her daughter just where she wanted her.
Poor old daughter ended up fat and alone. And so am I.
Replies
If he really meant what he said it would be different.
I tried to explain your dad to other people and say its dimentia or alzheimer but you are right it would have progressed worse my now. I don\'t know why your dad hates you so but I don\'t know why you remain either. I am confused about where you stand with your dad and why you are still in his life?
I can understand the not wanting to leave him for various reasons: he\'s old, he\'d be alone, he\'s your father, he needs you, he\'s senile, on and on....sounds like I\'m making excuses for him and in a way I am....but one important thing YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF....if that means limiting your time with him, so be it...he\'s trying to force you to leave him, (he reminds me of my second husband, if he\'s nasty enough you\'ll leave) and then he can play the poor, pitiful me card, she left me (like my ex did). you can hold onto your sanity, try not to let him get to you, push your buttons as I call it, visit him when you want, call him if you want and live your life. I know it\'s easy to say, hard to do but you must take care of yourself, no one else will....praying for you...hugs, Sandi