what am I expecting of myself?
I just went for a walk, a long walk, and I realized I was starting to get tired. As I usually do I pushed myself and then started to get all dreamy and ruminating and I tried to NOT do that.
When I got home I fell to pieces. I took a nap - as a way to recuperate - couldn't watch TV - but now I will try and just do something.
I think I put too many "shoulds" on myself. I don't know. I am not a robot.
I came home from work and felt grateful that I could work. But now after this walk, which initially made me feel accomplished has lead me to feeling out of sorts, without direction, and a little devastated.
I need to be gentle and remember I do have things coming up. like another work shift tomorrow, and a haircut and a visit to the bank. I don't know if the validating source of work is the answer.
I will wash up and get some water. I am not a robot but I think I struggle with accepting or feeling like what I do is enough. I think I try and hold on to things that are in flux and maybe
the moments that come and go are all it is.
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I think when I remind myself that we're all surviving I have a greater empathy and I relax.
That's a great attitude Mark. We are all just surviving. Take care.
thanks becky!