What a journey!

It has taken me over two years, but I have come back to this wonderful site. I have figured out a lot of things over those two years. I have had good experiences, some bad, some really really bad. But I hope to now be on the path to recovery with the help and support of this group. I hope to share with and support others in my situation and are still struggling or who have been in this situation and have survived.
My latest breakthrough is finding out that I have been WAY to nice all these years and that most of the disappointments I have suffered stem from the need for love, acceptance and approval that I have inherited from having been raised by a narcisstic mother. 

Replies

Livlafluv
Livlafluv

I was having a good day even a good weekend. Feeling at peace and not tense for the first time in a long time. She has called me a few times, but I have ignored her phone calls. I was ok until my brother texted me that she is trying to get in touch with me, that she had called a few times. I really expected better support from him. He does not want to understand. He knows how she makes me feel but still won\'t respect my need to avoid any contact with her. By telling me that she has called me, makes me feel sad and guilty and at the same time, I feel like he is trying to trap me. Having her on my back relieved him from having her on his back. It\'s not fair!!! I love my brother very much and it hurts me that he doesn\'t understand. It feels like he is taking her side against me. This brings back feelings of inadequacy, that I am not good enough for not calling back. I feel weak and nauseous. I feel like the terrified little girl I have been for much too long...
JOYHOLY
JOYHOLY

HEY LIV,HOPE YOU ARE FEELING WELL, LOOK CAN YOU JUST SPEAK TO HER AND SEE WHAT SHE WANT AND JUST LET HER BE, IT MIGHT HELP WITH YOUR FEELINGS, AND DON\'T LET THE BAD FEELINGS TAKE OVER, YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH MUCH, DON\'T LET IT AFFECT YOU..LOVE LUCY.
Livlafluv
Livlafluv

Hi Lucy, she has actully told me a few times what she wants. She wants me to be an extension of her. She wants to control 100% my life. She wants me to like what she likes, dislike what she disllike, go where I\'m told, cook,clean, for her, give her all my money, drive her where she needs to go and wait for her no matter how long she takes, wear the clothes she wants to to wear, fix my hair the way she likes, etc., etc. If I don\' do all that and more, then she makes sure that my life is a living hell through abuse, the way she has been doing so far.