What a great week!!!
I don't know if I have made a gargantuan leap forward in my growth and maturity or if I am just riding this Crazy Train and waiting for the darkness...but I am not going to worry about that. If it's not forever I will enjoy every second of it!!!
I have been so happy, and so strong, and so full of joy and love for my fellow man...Still likes dogs better though, lol. Just kidding, it's a different kind of love, right???
I have a lunch date Sunday with a newly grieving Mom...what a great time for this warm fuzzy cuddly blanket of love to spiritually engulf me. I can show her...It really is possible to be okay someday. Never the same, but okay at times, and that??? That, my beloved sisters is worth living for, it's worth looking forward in anticipation of good things to come rather than hide away in fear.
She is so early in, 4 months, and so delicate and tender. I have an idea of taking her my journal. For a few months afterwards I wrote on paper in a leather-bound journal before eventually giving up and getting all that done on-line, in one way or another. I am fearful it might trigger more grief, yet my hope is that it will educate her...that she isn't going crazy. She is actually disappointed in herself that she isn't better yet. I just want her to know she is not abnormal and she can take a breath and quit fighting it so hard.
I have tried to get her to join our group but she just doesn't see interested. She is a devout Catholic and feels like that's all she needs...but I know it's not. Why else would she be reaching out to me??? Please advise me sisters on the journal thing...it could go either way.
For the first time, maybe ever, I don't have suicide quietly tucked in the back of my mind...the easy way out if it gets too hard. I feel strong...and I think I am going to be okay. Now, maybe a month from now I might be a screaming, crying, slobbering mess...but at least now I have hope. I will honor whatever feelings come, sit with them, feel them, love them...and I have all the FAITH in the entire world I will eventually return to my present state of mind.
It is such a sad honor to be able to help love a mother through her pain, to be there to listen, to empathize...I could have never done that before.
Again, please list thoughts about sharing my journal, it's pretty raw.
Thank You,
Gina
I have been so happy, and so strong, and so full of joy and love for my fellow man...Still likes dogs better though, lol. Just kidding, it's a different kind of love, right???
I have a lunch date Sunday with a newly grieving Mom...what a great time for this warm fuzzy cuddly blanket of love to spiritually engulf me. I can show her...It really is possible to be okay someday. Never the same, but okay at times, and that??? That, my beloved sisters is worth living for, it's worth looking forward in anticipation of good things to come rather than hide away in fear.
She is so early in, 4 months, and so delicate and tender. I have an idea of taking her my journal. For a few months afterwards I wrote on paper in a leather-bound journal before eventually giving up and getting all that done on-line, in one way or another. I am fearful it might trigger more grief, yet my hope is that it will educate her...that she isn't going crazy. She is actually disappointed in herself that she isn't better yet. I just want her to know she is not abnormal and she can take a breath and quit fighting it so hard.
I have tried to get her to join our group but she just doesn't see interested. She is a devout Catholic and feels like that's all she needs...but I know it's not. Why else would she be reaching out to me??? Please advise me sisters on the journal thing...it could go either way.
For the first time, maybe ever, I don't have suicide quietly tucked in the back of my mind...the easy way out if it gets too hard. I feel strong...and I think I am going to be okay. Now, maybe a month from now I might be a screaming, crying, slobbering mess...but at least now I have hope. I will honor whatever feelings come, sit with them, feel them, love them...and I have all the FAITH in the entire world I will eventually return to my present state of mind.
It is such a sad honor to be able to help love a mother through her pain, to be there to listen, to empathize...I could have never done that before.
Again, please list thoughts about sharing my journal, it's pretty raw.
Thank You,
Gina
Replies
Oh my gosh. I am so glad to hear that you are feeling positive. I understand the feeling of great joy. I do slide down in to the black hole from time to time. I try to remember the good times and tell myself \"This too shall pass\".
The mom you are supporting is so lucky to have you. I think I might offer her the opportunity to read your journal. She may or may not want to. We understand that faith helps get us through but there is nothing more healing than knowing that we are not alone, that there are other moms who are on this road with us. However, I have to remind myself \'different strokes for different folks\'. I have invited moms to join but so far, none of them have.
I know that your lunch on Sunday will unfold as it should. You rock!
Tight hugs, M
I remember so very well the very first mom who sat with me and she was about five years on the path after the loss of her son. All I needed was to witness that here was a woman, another mom who had lost her child, and she was drinking coffee with me, breathing and allowing me just to ramble, ask questions, be silent, ALL of it. We met several times over a period of months and she always let me be the one to reach out to her because she knew just how much courage it took for me to \"be out there.\"
I could not have read anyone else\'s thoughts and that is just me. I did not find FMO until I was 14 months on this path and even then reading some of the sorrow and anguish was too much for me and what I was looking for was any shreds of hope and light. I knew my sorrow and I knew I was not alone in it, yet what I craved and clung to was to figure out in my own way and in my own time how these women were living again.
Your heart with ears IS the gift and it will be as healing for you as it is for her. Trust that what needs to evolve from it will. I have a very dear friend who lost her son four months after Douglas and we met monthly for coffee before she went to work and she knew all about FMO, yet has never had a desire to join and as Marlene said to each their own. She knows it\'s available, asks me about it from time to time and if there is an article or something that someone has posted that touches me I send it along to her if I feel the nudge.
I am so happy Gina, that you have experienced the feelings that you are. I know I could not believe that I ever would either, yet the moms a few steps further along kept telling me that in time I would and that is what we shared with you. In the moment it felt like the most bizarre thought and I truly wondered what are these gals \"smoking\" because I know I will NEVER feel what they are describing. Yet, it happens...
I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you gather and what a gift you both will be for one another. This takes courage my friend!
Loving care on this path with so many twists and turns. You have rounded a huge corner, truly you have. You will always remember that you can feel this way again on those challenging days which seem to happen for me with less frequency and less intensity now. It is riding that wild wave and somehow our sea legs become strong enough to learn how to carry it.
XO Joanie
You are the absolutely perfect person that this lady needs right now. I think taking your journal or perhaps asking if she would like to read it and bring it next time? Especially if she thinks that her God should be enough? We all know it takes more but suggesting that might offend her beliefs right now.
I remember reading RememberKala\'s journals when I was in the ever-so-fragile stages of my journey and I was completely overwhelmed with how positive and happy and Living she was. I almost \"unfriended\" her simply because her journey seemed so different than mine.
I now, am so glad I did not. I see her as a Mom that has her ups and downs just like the rest of us. But I\'m different now and she is as well.
I guess what I\'m trying to say, as Joanie said so eloquently, is that when she was new, the more advanced Mom ALLOWED Joanie to take the lead. Allowed Joanie to talk or not and was available when Joanie was ready. Perhaps take your direction from that very wise woman.
Show your lady that your positive, happy, joyful state is possible and in fact probable however, honor her where she is.
I think this is awesome. She is so blessed to have you. Wow.
Tight hugs, Merrilee
Dear Gina,
So glad you are doing well! I know that you\'ll be a help to this newly grieving mother. I also think it\'s a great idea to share your journal with her!
Hugs,
Donna
When I found FMO, I thought I had also found purpose in the disaster of losing my son, although I was only a few months into my loss at the time. I had found women who understood me and I understood them. The support was incredible! After a year or two into my loss, I would befriend newer moms and their loss brought me great remembrance and great pain. For awhile I could not befriend new moms and I could not read their journals of pain, for fear of renewing my own pain. I am certain that some moms were hurt when I almost literally ran away and I am so sorry for that now. As time went on, my wounds closed and formed a scar which helped callous me and I once again was able to befriend new moms. This journey truly is a roller coaster with ups and downs, twists and turns as you have already found out. Be cautious, guard your heart, but I feel this opportunity could be just what you both need. Just be aware as you go along that at times you may both be more vulnerable than other times. As you know, it is a rocky road. I am saying this to you lovingly, as I can only tell you of my own journey and what it was like for me.
Sending love,
Leda
Take it easy, with the waves that come and go. We do our best to help others in this world, but remember to be careful with yourself. Gently go, and gently hold this new suffering mom, it takes a long haul to stabilize this new world, one child dead forever. I\'m with you, and so are the other soth, we know what you are going through. Good luck, love, holding hands, abby
I think it is wonderful, that you are helping a newly grieved mother. She is lucky to have you in her life. Gina, I remember your first year after you lost Cassi. To see you now, happy with such a positive attitude is nothing short of a miracle.I am so happy for you!! As far as the journal goes, why not offer her the opportunity to read it now, or when she is further into her grief journey? She may not be ready now, but would know it is available in the future. I hope you have a wonderful lunch...
((((HUGS)))), Julia
Gina, I hope that your lunch date today with the newly bereaved mom was healing and uplifting for the both of you.
Much love and tight hugs,
Diane
Just reading the title of your journal entry made me smile. I am so happy you\'ve had such a great week. :)
I find it helpful to help others, it is a good feeling to be able to tell someone they will be ok. It takes time and work and the ability to not listen to other people who are not on her path.
Just be there for her to help guide her sometimes we need a gentle push other times we need a shoulder and a box of klenex.
Proud of you
Penny