What a day...

I met an old friend yesterday.   He is one of those people you instantly feel comfortable around.  These are the people I envy.  I wish I had just the confidence he has in his little finger.  I bring him up because he mentioned something he caught himself doing that I do as well... forgetting to take care of me.  I don't feel comfortable with anything lately.   I wish I could just walk away from everything and hide in a room with the door locked. 

I don't like this person I'm becoming,  I want to be different but I've realized that I need to change.  I've let myself go physically,  emotionally and spiritually.   I just don't care about anything yet at the same time I care about everything.   I know I'm not making sense but I'm so tired of it all.   I tried the baby steps to change but even that isn't working. 

I'm considering going back to counseling but going to a new therapist all the time is difficult.   They also never seem to work on what the problem is,  it's like they start away the beginning of time and expect me to remember all that.   My complaining isn't getting me anywhere and I'm noticing this is becoming a more common and frequent attitude I'm possessing.   Something seriously needs to change but I'm to the point now I think it's too late to fix anything.